


a thousand words

by eg1701



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, All Human, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Bad Parenting, Camping, Eating Disorders, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mundane Magnus Bane/Mundane Alec Lightwood, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Self-Worth Issues, alec is a photographer, but only mentioned, growing into love, i know nothing about the fashion industry, izzy is a forensic scientist, jace had a crush on simon, magnus is an editor, or photography for that matter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-06 22:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11610201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eg1701/pseuds/eg1701
Summary: For Alec Lightwood, photography was his form of therapy. It got him through his parents strict control pf his life, his little brother’s death, and his revelations regarding his sexuality. It seemed only natural he’d make a career out of it.Magnus Bane is the editor for a highly successful, New York based fashion magazine, “ Illusion Runway.” He’s well known in the industry, well off, and very confident. But when his photographer cancels last minute, he hires shy Alec to replace her.And then he falls just a little in love with the man.





	1. fall meetings

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from the quote "a picture is worth a thousand words"

The coffee shop was packed, and Alec felt he was lucky to have grabbed a window seat. He had his laptop open in front of him, and he flipped through some photos he took of his sister and their friends last week, sinking lower and lower into the oversized chair. Izzy was supposed to be meeting him here today, and he wanted to have the pictures ready for her. 

Around him, the shop buzzed with people grabbing last minute drinks before the work day started. Alec was lucky he pretty much made his own hours. He could sit here all day if he wanted, and he had no one to check if he was clocking in or not. No one to fire him if he took a week off to work through some issues.  


Taking a sip of his coffee, he deleted a photo that was slightly out of focus, and picked his favorites. Izzy would probably like whatever he chose, but she deserved the best.  


The woman at the table behind him talked loudly on her phone, probably to an employee, judging by the condescending tone in her voice. Alec rolled his eyes to himself.  


He looked up at the sound of the bell and there was his sister.  


She was dressed for work down at the police station, in a simple blouse and dress pants, and Alec wondered when he shift was, and why she was late. She wasn’t usually late, unless they were attending an event where being late was apparently the norm. Alec didn’t understand parties.  


People sometimes thought Alec and Isabelle were twins. They had the same exact shade of black hair, and sometimes said things at the same time. Jace made fun of them for it, but once they got free bagels on twin day, and Jace didn’t make fun of them after that.  


“I got you a drink,” Alec said, sliding the other cup to her as she sat down, “Did you get hung up somewhere?”  


“Alec you’ll never guess who’s outside,” she said, instead of answering his question.  


“The president?”  


“No. Magnus Bane.”  


“The editor?”  


Izzy nodded, and took a long sip of her coffee. It had gone slightly cold and she frowned at it.  


“Did you get him to sign your copy of the latest edition of Illusion Runway?” he said with a smirk, “I know how you just _adore_ his magazine.”  


“Don’t tease me like that,” Izzy said in mock offense, putting a hand to her heart, “No. You’ll love me for this. He was on the phone and I was eavesdropping. Chastise me later. From what I gathered, his photographer for some shoot canceled last minute. So I told him that my dearest big brother just happened to be a photographer, and that he just happened to be right inside this shop. He should be here soon, he said he just had a few more calls to make.”  


Alec’s eyes went wide, “Are you serious?”  


“Cross my heart. I know you like smaller jobs, but this could be your big break.”  


Alec considered this. Of course his sister only had his best interests at heart, but he chose smaller jobs because they were less stressful. He found that the higher up in an industry someone was, the ruder they tended to be. Everyone who was even remotely connected to fashion- blogger, consumer, photographer, designer- everyone, knew who Magnus Bane was.  


Alec just hoped he didn’t make a fool of himself.  


And the little bell went off again.  


Magnus swooped in, clad in a long black coat, and his eyes scanned the crowd before settling on Isabelle. Alec personally thought Izzy tried to get him a job because she was such a fan of his. When he first became a figure in the public eye, he was only eighteen and a model, Izzy was fourteen, and she used to try and copy his makeup looks in the bathroom mirror. Alec thought she was starstruck.  


“Isabelle,” he greeted her with a nod, “This must be your brother.”  
Alec nodded, and found himself standing up, “Alec.”  
Magnus offered a ring clad hand, and Alec shook it.  
“Your sister tells me you’re a photographer.”  
Alec nodded again, and Izzy kicked him under the table. He must be staring. It wasn’t his fault that while Izzy had been copying makeup looks, Alec had been nursing a crush on the man now standing in front of him. Magnus had always been so confident and besides, everyone knew he was handsome, with his dark hair and eyes, his tan skin and wonderful smile. He knew how to dress himself, in bright reds and turquoises, and purples, and show off. For Alec, who’s wardrobe consisted of black, navy, green, and grey, this was admirable.  
“I am in a bit of a bind. I am overseeing a shoot in Washington Square Park in,” he glanced at his watch, “in forty five minutes and I have no photographer. This is for the next issue and if I don’t get it done today, it’s not getting in. Can you do me this favor? Of course whatever fee you require will be taken care of.”  
Despite how brief Magnus was being, he seemed genuinely desperate, and he had what Izzy used to call “kind eyes.”  
“Of course I can help you out. Can’t let Izzy’s favorite magazine suffer.”  
“Oh thank you.”  
“Can we leave now?”  
Alec nodded, and shut his laptop, “I suppose so. Iz I’ll send you those pictures tonight, and you can pick the ones you like the best. When do you get off work?”  
“Not til tonight. Have fun.”  
She picked up her coffee, and kissed Alec on the cheek.  
“It was nice to meet you Mr.Bane,” she said, shaking Magnus’s hand, “I hope you and Alec get along.”  


Alec shoved his things into his bag, and took his camera out to put it around his neck.  
“We’ll have to take a cab,” Magnus was already starting to walk out. Alec realized he was expected to follow, and he jogged a little to catch up.  
“Ok. I don’t mind,” Alec replied, even though he was pretty sure Magnus didn’t care either way. He had to admire the guy’s dedication.  
Alec waited on the sidewalk as Magnus hailed a cab and wondered how the hell he got here.  
Magnus opened the cab door for Alec, and sat down next to him.  
Alec wondered, just briefly, if Izzy was trying to set them up.  


He wouldn’t put it past her.  
\----------  


The park was absolutely gorgeous. It was a fall day, not too cold, but brisk enough to not be hot out. The trees were slowly turning colorful, but they were still mostly green. Alec pulled rubbed his hands together to warm them up in between shots, and eventually, Magnus had produced a pair of gloves and pressed tossed them to Alec. Izzy would have jumped on this as attraction, but Alec just thought he was being nice.  


All on all, Magnus thought the shoot went very well. Alec was quiet, but did exactly as he was told, and when Magnus requested multiple shots to get the very best, Alec didn’t argue. He agreed in fact, he knew he could get a better shot. The light wasn’t quite right on their last round, and Magnus suggested a break.  
“How long have you been taking pictures?” Magnus asked. Alec had been going through his shots while the models talked with each other. Magnus had a feeling they were discussing Alec and how handsome they thought he was. Alec, however, seemed completely unaware of this.  
“Since I was sixteen,” Alec replied, without looking up, “It’s cathartic.”  
Alec didn’t mention the reasons he’d picked up the hobby, which he figured was fine since he hadn’t even known this man for a day, and it was no one’s business anyway. He hoped Magnus didn’t ask.  
Magnus nodded, “You’re very talented. Thank you again for this. I know it was last minute. I hope I didn’t take you away from any big plans.”  
Alec shook his head and set his camera down, “No, no plans. I’m sort of a freelancer. What happened to your other photographer?”  
“I don’t know. She called me and said she couldn’t come anymore,” he waved his hand dismissively, “She’s never been very reliable.”  
Alec chuckled to himself, “I know the feeling. I can give you my number, so if you ever need someone last minute.”  


Honestly, Alec was shocked he had said it. He was not a forward person, not in the slightest, and he didn’t even know how to talk to someone he was interested in. Maybe it was because he was working, and not actively trying to flirt.  
Magnus smiled, “Sounds like a plan. Alec- is that short for Alexander?”  
Alec nodded, “No one calls me Alexander though.”  
“I like that name. It’s fancy.”  
Alec rolled his eyes, “We should get started again. It’s only getting brighter.”  
Magnus nodded, did his best not to tell Alec how easy he found it to get lost in his eyes, and smiled, “You know what’s best.”  


When it was done, Alec shook hands with each of the models, and wished them luck in their careers.  
“How about I buy you something to eat, and we can discuss your payment?” Magnus asked, “You look cold. I know a great place not to far from here.”  
Alec laughed, “Sure. Sounds good to me.”  


Alec was positive Izzy would call that asking someone out on a date, but Alec figured this was business. Why would anyone, especially someone as attractive and successful Magnus Bane, be asking him out?  
Magnus smiled, “It’s a date.”  
Alec felt his heart flutter, and his palms grow clammy.  


He wasn’t a person who went on dates. Izzy went on dates. She liked going on dates. Izzy went on dates and had boyfriends and lovers and slept with people she wanted to. Jace went on dates. He had hookups and stayed out late and came home with lipstick stained collars on his shirts. But Alec usually stayed home and made excuses for his siblings absences. He didn’t even mind- dating was something he didn’t think he could do. He wasn’t good at hiding things from his parents, and if his parents got even a whiff of Alec showing an interest in other boys, he’d have been on the street, with little more than the clothes on his back.  
But he wasn’t living with his parents. He had his own apartment (well he and Jace had their own apartment) and if Alec wanted to go on a maybe date with the handsome editor of a fashion magazine he was going to do just that, his parents be damned.  


“It’s a date,” Alec repeated.


	2. like romantically?

The restaurant Magnus had in mind was quiet, out of the way, and small. He seemed to know the owner personally, or maybe she was just a big fan, because they didn’t have to wait for a table, and it was the best table at that.  
Alec took the seat facing the window, so he could watch the people walking by. People watching was one of his favorite activities. When they were little, Alec, Jace, and Izzy used to make up stories about the people who walked by. He still liked to do it. That woman walking so fast was on her way to a job interview. The family was just getting back from the park and the mother was going to start lunch.  


“How much do you usually charge?” Magnus asked, once the waitress had taken their orders.  
“Usually about twenty bucks an hour. But it depends on the case. I like to help people out.”  
Magnus nodded, “Well you worked with me for about four hours. Plus it was last minute so how about two hundred and fifty dollars, and I’ll buy you drinks sometime.”  
Alec made a slight whimper because he would very much like to have Magnus by him drinks, and two hundred and fifty dollars for four hours was a lot more than he usually made.  
“It sounds like a deal to me.”  
Magnus smiled, “So tell me Alexander. Have you always lived in the city?”  
Alec nodded, and thought to himself that Magnus saying his full name was his new favorite thing. He didn’t want Magnus to ever call him anything else.  


Is this was a real crush was like?  


“My dad is the CEO of Alicante Enterprises. It’s based here.”  
“Your parents are Robert and Maryse Lightwood?”  
Alec nodded, and sipped his drink, “I don’t like to tell people that though, because then they say, ‘Alec, your parents are some of the most successful people in business, what are you doing taking pictures?’”  
Magnus nodded, “I can see that would be annoying. It’s hard to live up to parents sometimes. What does your sister do?”  
“She’s a forensic scientist with the NYPD. Jace, my brother, he’s a musician. Mom and Dad weren’t happy about that.”  


It was only very recently that Alec stopped mentioning he even had a younger brother. It had been force of habit to say, and then there’s Max, our youngest brother.  
Alec hoped he didn’t falter at all, because Max was not something he discussed. He hardly discussed it with his own siblings.  
If Magnus noticed anything, he didn’t mention it.  
Alec didn’t like talking about himself, but he’d talk about Jace and Izzy all day. He adored those two.  


The food arrived, which gave Alec a minute to compose himself.  


“Are you seeing anyone Alexander?” Magnus asked, leaning back a bit in his chair.  
“Like romantically?”  
Magnus nodded, “Romantically.”  
Alec shook his head and looked down at his plate, “No. I haven’t really had the opportunity.”  
“Is this a date to you?”  
Alec had to admire Magnus. The guy had guts. For all he knew, Alec could have been straight, and just sort of dim to not realize what the tone in Magnus’s voice had meant when he asked Alec to lunch.  


But he just shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe. You tell me.”  
Magnus smirked, “Playing hard to get are we?’  
Sure, Alec thought, let’s go with that. And he smiled.  
“I love a challenge Alexander.”  
“Good,” Alec replied, because he was sure he’d be quite the challenge, if not in the way Magnus assumed. And he thought maybe it sounded like flirting.  
\----------  
“I still have your gloves,” Alec realized, as Magnus walked him home. Apparently Magnus didn’t have to be in the office until the afternoon, but Alec secretly thought Magnus didn’t want to part, and he felt the same way.  
Magnus nodded, “You can give them back to me when I take you out for drinks. It’s a promise of sorts.”  
Alec smiled, “I like that. Well, this is my building. Thanks for the opportunity, thanks for lunch, and thanks for the cab fare.”  
“I’ll call you Alexander. Tell your sister I am very fond of her recommendation and thank her for listening to my phone call.”  
Alec smiled again,“I’ll send you all of the photos from today.”  


He was doing an awful lot of smiling today.  


Magnus dug around, and handed Alec his card, “That’s the email. Anytime tonight or tomorrow will be great. I’ll have a check cut after we get the photos. Thank you Alexander.”  
Alec nodded, and hurried up the steps, almost losing his footing. He hoped Magnus didn’t see the stumble, so he didn’t look back until he got to the top.  
Magnus waved once more, before jamming his hands in his pockets and leaving.  


Alec raced upstairs and prayed Jace was still home. He’d know what all of this meant.  
“Jace,” he called the moment he had the door open wide enough, “Are you here?”  
Jace was, in fact there. He popped up from behind the refrigerator door, with a slice of pizza in his hand. Sharing an apartment with Jace had some cons (he wasn’t the neatest, had weird eating habits, and sometimes had sex in the living room so Alec walked in on them if he got up at night), but for the most part, Jace was a great roommate. Alec thought that Jace was just worried about Alec living on his own, but he never mentioned it. In fact, Jace wanted to live with Alec because Alec understood his nightmares better than anyone, and never complained when Jace woke him up in the middle of the night.  


“Hey. Where you been?” Jace asked, hopping up on the counter to eat the cold pizza.  


Alec dumped his bag on the sofa and grabbed himself a water from the fridge, “I think I went on a lunch date.”  
“What?”  
Alec quickly relayed everything that happened since Izzy had walked into the coffee shop, and Jace listened intently. He hadn’t seen so much light in Alec’s eyes in years.  
“So when are you going out again?” he prompted, “Because I’m ready to be your best man. Izzy has probably had your wedding planned for awhile now. I think I’d plan a kickass bachlor party.”  
“Alright, let’s not get crazy,” Alec leaned against the counter, “But he seemed like really into me. I don’t get it.”  
“People like you Alec. You deserve a nice date with a pretty boy.”  
Alec shrugged, “He’s really outgoing though. I can just tell. I don’t know if he’d be good with a person like me.”  
“Alec I was just kidding about the best man thing. Just because you go out on a few dates doesn’t mean you’ve gotta be with him forever. Just try the dating thing. Even if he doesn’t work out, you might like dating, and find someone who will.”  


Jace was right. Alec knew Jace was right. Jace was always right about this sort of thing. Despite his sometimes childish behavior, Jace was pretty wise. And he’d never steer Alec wrong.  
“Yeah. It just still feels weird. I can go out on a date and Mom and Dad can’t do anything about it.”  
“Oh God, are you gonna mention them? I usually save emotional baggage for the third date,” Jace said, tossing the crust into the sink, “at least.”  
“I don’t see any need unless things get serious. Borderline emotionally abusive and neglectful parents is not exactly first date material.”  
“Point.”  
“I just want things to work out. I don’t know if that’s with Magnus or someone else, but I want them to work out.”  
Jace hopped down and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder, “They usually do. One way or another, they usually do.”  
Alec nodded, “I’ve got to go through the photos and send them. Are you headed out tonight?”  
Jace shook his head, “I thought I’d stay in. I didn’t get home until like, four, and I think I’m still kind of hung over.”  
“Drink water. Izzy will probably call when she gets off work to hear about her set up.”  
“She’ll probably come over,” Jace pulled up a chair to Alec’s desk, “I want to see the pictures you took.”


	3. first dates

True to his word, Magnus did, in fact, call. He waited a day, just to seem like he wasn’t absolutely dying to see Alec again, and Jace crowded on the sofa next to Alec to listen, and after a brief, silent struggle, Alec let him.  
“Your photos were amazing Alexander. I may have to hire you on a more permanent basis.”  
Jace gave Alec a thumbs up and winked.  
“Thanks Magnus.”  
“Now. I know the bartender at a lovely little dive bar called The Hunter’s Moon. I think you’d like it. And I owe you drinks don't I?”  
Alec smiled, “When?”  
“Well, how about tomorrow night? Say seven? I’ll pick you up.”  
Jace nodded eagerly, and made a hand motion that Alec interpreted to mean Jace wanted to meet Magnus. Have him come up here, he was saying.  
“My brother would like to meet you. Apartment 9b. I can let you up.”  
“Ah the musician,” Magnus exclaimed, “I look forward to it.”  
“See you at seven tomorrow?” Alec confirmed. In truth, he was still sort of thinking he was being pranked.  
“See you at seven,” Magnus repeated.  


By the time Alec had hung up, Jace was already calling Izzy. She’d want to come over as soon as she could, to raid Alec’s closet and decide what was best. He didn’t mind, because he was going out with a fashion magazine editor after all. It was probably best that someone with actual knowledge of fashion to dress him.  
“Yeah a bar,” Jace said, “We’re here all day tomorrow unless Clary calls or something.”  
He hung up and looked smug.  
“When is she coming?”  
“Three. Apparently you don’t have that many colors to work with.”  
Alec rolled his eyes, “You all need to leave my wardrobe alone. It’s practical.”  
“You’re dating an ex fashion model, who runs a fashion magazine. You’re going to have to buy new clothes,” Jace said, throwing his hands in the air in an impersonation of their sister.  
“I would hardly call it dating Jace.”  
“Whatever bro,” he replied.  
“Is that something we say now?”  
Jace laughed, “I’m going to take a shower, I’ve got a gig tonight.”  
\---------  
Izzy arrived the next day in a flurry of activity. She made her way straight to the bedroom, and pulled out everything that she deemed not acceptable.  
Alec leaned against the doorframe, and Jace threw himself down on the bed. Jace was the most dramatic of them all, and he sighed . To annoy him, Izzy kept tossing shirts at him.  
“How did he describe the place?” she asked.  
“Lovely and divey.”  


Izzy made a face, “Those aren’t really the same thing.”  
“He said that Alec would like it,” Jace added from underneath the growing pile of clothes, “Which is kinda cute I guess.”  
“This,” Izzy finally decided on a pair of dark jeans, a black shirt, and boots, “This is what you’re wearing. Wear a grey shirt under it. Are you planning on sleeping with him?”  
“Jesus Iz, it’s been two days.”  
“I’m just making sure,” she put her hands up defensively, “If you are, just wear a clean shirt. I’m not here to judge. Jace slept with that one girl four hours after he met her.”  
“Kaylee was so beautiful Izzy,” Jace argued, “Albeit a little nuts.”  
“Alright, well you can hang the rest of this up, and I’ll go take a shower.”  
“I want to do something with your hair Alec. You look like you just rolled out of bed.”  
“I was taking a nap before you got here. So. I did just roll out of bed.”  
“Out of the couch,” Jace pointed out.  


She just shooed Alec off to the shower.  
Alec agreed and ducked into the bathroom before she could boss him around anymore.  
Out of habit, he turned the water up as hot as he could stand, and stood there for a minute.  


He, Alec Lightwood, was going on a date, a real actual date that he planned himself, with a real life man who not only was confident, but who he was pretty sure his parents would hate, but who was very, very handsome.  


When did his life turn into this?  


He must have gotten distracted because Jace was banging on the door because Izzy was annoying him and so he turned off the water, toweled himself dry and got dressed quickly.  
When he stepped out into the kitchen, Izzy put her hands on her hips, in obvious disapproval.  
“What?” He asked.  
She ignored him and marched over to unbutton his top two buttons. He managed to get her to leave it at one.  
She flattened his hair, then ran her fingers through it once to give it that casual messiness, but not like we’re trying too hard look, then stepped back to admire her work.  
“He looks good,” Jace declared.  
“Wear your leather jacket,” she said, completely ignoring Jace, “it’s casual and you insist on only wearing dark colors so. This is my answer.”  
“It’s practical to wear dark colors. You don’t see stains and you don’t have to match,” he argued. Besides, people didn’t pay as much attention to you if you wore dark colors, and Alec liked the least amount of attention possible.  


How he managed to catch Magnus’s eye, he would probably never understand.  
\----------  
And there was Magnus Bane, in their doorway. He looked wonderfully put together as always, in an ensemble of dark blues, black, and white. Alec would be the first person to admit that he didn’t understand fashion, but he did understand that Magnus was very fashionable. He smiled at Izzy, shook hands with Jace politely.  
Alec felt as if Magnus was meeting his parents instead of his siblings, but since he couldn’t see introducing Magnus to his actual parents anytime soon, he didn’t really mind it.  
“You don’t look at all like your brother and sister,” Magnus noted and Jace laughed.  
“I’m adopted,” Jace replied and Alec ran a hand over his face. Why was Jace like this?  
“Well that makes sense.”  
“Alright,” Alec pushed his way past Jace, “We’re going.”  
“Are we? I like your family Alexander.”  
“Yes, we’re going. I’ll see you guys later,” Alec held the door open for a chuckling Magnus.  


They didn’t hold hands. Magnus was all for it, but Alec was still in shock he was going on a date, and so holding hands could come later. He really just wanted to get drinks before he could embarrass himself or make Magnus see that he really wasn’t all that amazing, and that he could find someone much better.  


Magnus spoke almost the whole way there, and Alec didn’t mind. He wasn’t sure he had much to say, and Magnus was so well spoken.  
The bartender, Maia, was a friend of Magnus’s and also knew Clary, Jace’s on and off again girlfriend’s father, Luke.  
“Small world,” Alec said, shaking her hand.  
She gave him a knowing sort of smile and Magnus ordered.  
They played pool for a while, and Alec was pretty sure Magnus was hustling him, but he pretended not to notice. Magnus was a good date, and he didn’t press Alec to be affectionate.  


That was what Alec was the most grateful for.  


When Alec had finished losing at pool, they sat at the bar to talk.  


Looking back on the date, Alec would realize that he probably shouldn’t have been so nosy, and that Magnus’s past lovers weren’t really that big of a deal, but at the time, everything had seemed like a big deal. If he could go back in time, Alec would put a hand over his past self’s mouth and mutter that Magnus was interested in him, not any of his past lovers. Shut up past me, he would say, you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.  
Time travel was unfortunately not on the table.  
“Have you never been in a relationship?” Magnus asked, and Alec couldn’t quite discern the tone to his voice. Shock perhaps. Maybe mild horror? Was he weirded out? He could tell Alec had no idea how to be a date.  
“No. Not really. What about you?”  
“Yes, I’ve been with a fair few, men and women. Most weren’t very serious. A few were. I’m almost thirty after all.”  
Alec nodded, “A lot of people? Or like some?”  
“Alexander-”  
“Sorry. That was messed up. I just haven’t done this, and I don’t want to be competing with people.”  
Magnus downed the rest of his drink, and asked Maia for another one.  
Alec looked down at his own mostly full glass. What did he expect from someone so wonderful as Magnus? And this was so sudden. He hadn’t had time to learn if Magnus had other lovers (why wouldn’t he have?). Alec wasn’t sure what to say next.


	4. and first kisses

The walk home was quiet. Alec still wasn’t sure what to say, but he was pretty sure he had blown it. Someone, a handsome someone at that, had shown interest, and Alec had let his own worries drive that someone away. Magnus wanted Alec to say something. He didn’t want this to be over. He hadn’t felt this sort of attraction, this sort of affection for a long time.  
“This is you,” Magnus said, kicking at a loose piece of sidewalk and nodding at the building, “You were quiet.”  
“Yeah,” Alec shrugged, “I was thinking. Do you think this is too fast? I don’t know.”  
“Maybe. Maybe it is.”  
“We’re different.”  
Magnus nodded, “We are.”  
“Goodnight Magnus,” and Alec walked up three steps before turning back around. Magnus was still there.  
“I don’t care about those other people,” he said suddenly, “Not a single one.”  
“I don’t care about your lack of other people,” Magnus replied, with the hint of a smile on his face.  


The kiss was quick. Alec would have loved to stay kissing Magnus all night, right there on the steps if he had to, but it was late, and he really didn’t want to rush into things. It was a peck on the lips, but it promised to be more one day. Maybe one day soon.  


“I’m buying next time, I’m working a wedding on Friday.”  
“Oh a wedding huh? I have never been proposed to Alexander.”  
“Magnus we’ve known each other three days,” Alec said, rolling his eyes.  
“I know. Just keep that in mind.”  
“Goodnight Magnus,” this time it was much kinder, “text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”  
“I will.”  
\----------  
Jace had apparently made an effort to stay up, but was asleep on the couch, while the home shopping network played. Two women were raving about an earring and necklace set.  
Alec flipped the TV off and gently shook Jace awake. He didn’t want to startle him, and Jace was at his most vulnerable when he slept.  
And he jolted awake nonetheless. Alec frowned, but didn’t mention it.  
“It’s just me,” Alec whispered, “Let’s get you to bed.”  
“How’d date go?” Jace yawned, pushing himself up.  
“Good. I’ll tell you over breakfast. Come on. It’s late.”  
Jace allowed himself to be led to his room, and Alec deposited him on his bed. Jace was back asleep within a minute. Alec waited at the door to ensure Jace was a sleep, and headed to his own bedroom.  
He kicked his boots off, threw his jacket into the closet, and fell onto his bed.  
Alec had kissed someone. Not just anyone. He had kissed a man, who he liked, and who liked him. At almost twenty seven, Alec was pretty sure his life was just getting started.  


He fell asleep easily that night, and when he woke up, if he hadn’t still been wearing the clothes from last night, and it there wasn’t a five texts from his sister demanding a full report on his date, Alec would be sure he had dreamt the whole thing.  
\----------  
They started to learn things about each other. Alec’s middle name was Gideon. Magnus took his coffee with an insane amount of sugar. Alec used to do archery on the weekend, and Magnus had a love of cheesy romance movies, even the really terrible ones.  
For his turn to pay, Alec took Magnus to his favorite spot in the park, and they shared a basket of fries. They sat close enough to hear each other over the din of the crowded park, but not too close that anyone would think they were together.  
“Magnus I’m not jealous of or anything. I’m just curious. When was the last time you dated someone seriously?”  
Magnus considered this, “When I dated Camille. I was twenty when we broke up. She was a model too. French. I think she’s still modeling, but she was in Paris the last time I heard.”  
Alec nodded, “What happened?”  
Magnus shrugged, “We didn’t fit. I wanted to be more serious than she did, and she didn’t understand my needs. We weren’t good together.”  
Realizing that this was making Magnus uncomfortable, Alec changed the topic.  
“I’ve never been to Paris. Have you?” Obviously Magnus had probably been to Paris, but Alec had come up with the question on the spot.  
Magnus smiled at the effort Alec was making, and went with it, “Yes I have. It’s lovely. Maybe I’ll take you someday. I meant to ask, how did the wedding go on Friday?”  
“Good. I like doing weddings, because they’re always happy events. I like to see people happy,” Alec shrugged.  


Magnus was struck by how genuinely kind Alec was. Weddings probably made Alec a lot of money, but he didn’t even hesitate to say he liked them because they made people happy. What on earth had Magnus done to deserve Alec Lightwood?  
\----------  
As the time passed, Alec was beginning to think that maybe he wanted to sleep with Magnus. He hadn’t ever slept with anyone before, so he casually mentioned the topic to Izzy who had gasped, and declared that Alec cared for Magnus, and she was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.  
He should go for it.  
They had been out on Magnus’s balcony. Alec had never been to Magnus’s place, and he was in awe. It was lovely. Clearly, Magnus was just as well off as the media said, but despite the size of the loft, it felt homey. And the view from the balcony was divine.  
“Magnus?”  
“Hmmm?”  
“I was thinking about us,” Alec looked down at his hands, “About our relationship.”  
“Have I done something wrong?” Magnus asked, worry flooding his tone.  
“Oh God no. I was- I was thinking about, you know, taking the next step.”  
Magnus nodded, “The sex step.”  
It wasn’t a question. Just a statement. Magnus hadn’t even meant to say it outloud. Alec felt incredibly awkward, but he nodded just the same.  
“Alexander, there’s no need to rush into this. I-”  
“Don’t you want to?”  
“That’s not it. I just- I’m afraid that if we do this, I may lose you.”  
“I’m not going anywhere. I want this.”  
“Come with me,” Magnus offered his hand, and Alec let the balcony door swing shut behind him.  
\----------  
In the morning, the light drifted in from the window, and Alec was still asleep. Magnus had woken up slowly, his mind still half asleep, when he remembered the events of last night, and smiled to himself. Alec’s head was tilted slightly towards Magnus, and he was snoring lightly.  


How cute.  


Magnus wanted to get up, simply because he didn’t like staying in bed for ages after he woke up, but Alec was holding him, and he really didn’t want to wake Alec up. Sure, life was stressful, and Magnus hadn’t always had the best time, but Alexander Lightwood was still there the morning after, and people usually weren’t there when he woke up.  


Magnus was ready to not get his heartbroken.  


And so he laid back down, to listen to Alec breathe, and thought he might be able to catch another half an hour or so of sleep.


	5. let me tell you about my past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some talk of depression, suicide, and past emotional abuse in this chapter, just in case that's triggering to anybody  
> also robert and maryse are really bad parents

They started going out on a more regular basis. Alec took Magnus to his favorite spots outdoors, and to the galleries that had inspired him to be a photographer. Magnus took him to the restaurants he loved, and introduced him to his friends.  
Alec very much liked all of Magnus’s friends.  
“So is he your boyfriend?” Catarina, one of Magnus’s childhood friends, a doctor now, had asked. They had met at a bakery, and she had looked Alec up and down so harshly, Alec straightened his posture, and pulled Magnus’s chair out for him.  
Magnus and Alec exchanged a look. What were they? They were more than friends obviously, but they had only slept together once, so they really couldn’t be friends with benefits.  
“Yes,” Alec had said, “I’m his boyfriend.”  


From then on, the title stuck. Alec still felt a little giddy when he called Magnus his boyfriend.  


They discovered hidden jazz clubs, and museums they’d never even heard of before. Alec even took Magnus to one of Simon’s, Izzy’s sort of boyfriend and one of Jace’s ex-crush’s concerts, and as annoying as Alec found the guy, his music wasn’t half bad.  


They spent lazy afternoons on Magnus’s balcony. Alec would go through emails, or ads, or work on updating his website, and Magnus would work on the magazine or sketch. Sometimes Alec took pictures, just because he loved how Magnus looked in certain lights, and he wanted to preserve it. He liked to take pictures of things that mattered to him.  
Alec felt like he was floating. For the first time in ages, he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  
“You’re happier,” Jace had noted, “You seem happier.”  
Alec nodded. He was, he felt happier.  


But, as Alec knew all too well, things can go downhill so quickly.  
\----------  
It was about two weeks until Thanksgiving. Alec hadn’t really been keeping track of the dates, mainly because time seemed to work differently when he was around Magnus, and everyone was busier. Izzy got a promotion, Jace and Clary were officially dating again, Magnus was working on the winter fashions, and Alec was working for both the magazine and his own freelancing jobs.  
He always did better mentally when he was busy, it kept his brain from thinking too much, and that was what he needed.  
And even though Thanksgiving was a time meant to be spent with your family, his parents had never had much of an interest in family holidays before, why would they start now?  


But start they did. Alec, Jace, and Izzy received a very pointed email from their mother, with an attached flight schedule. They would be arriving on the twenty first, the Tuesday, and flying out again Friday. They lived in New York technically, but Maryse didn’t like how cramped the city made her feel, and preferred the summer home in northern California.  
“Are you alright?” Magnus asked, probably because Alec had made a small whimpering noise when he read the email.  
“Fine,” he said in a cracked voice, “I’m going to use the bathroom.”  
Magnus, who had his legs in Alec’s lap, let him up, but kept his eyes on Alec.  
He was worried, but Alec booked it to the bathroom, to splash some water on his face, before Magnus could voice any of those worries.  
Magnus was not going to see him like this. It was not something he wanted to share with this man he maybe (absolutely) loved.  
What if Magnus didn’t like Alec like this? What if he didn’t want to be burdened with Alec? He was sure that he was a burden after all, and Magnus was so full of life. Would Alec just bring him down? Sometimes he felt like he brought his whole family down with him.  
He gripped the sink while he thought, and tried to remember how to breathe.  
“Alexander?” There was a light knock at the door, “Are you alright? Locked bathroom doors aren’t usually a good sign.”  


Magnus was speaking from experience, something Alec didn’t know yet. Magnus did a very good job of hiding things he didn’t want to admit to.  
“Fine,” Alec assured him, in a voice that wouldn’t have convinced anyone, “Just give me a second.”  
“Did something happen? Is someone hurt? Alexander please answer me.”  
Alec heaved a sigh, and unlocked the door.  
“You look like you’re about to cry,” Magnus noticed, “What’s going on?”  
And at the pure caring tone of Magnus’s voice, Alec lost it. He’d been doing so well, and he was disappointed in himself.  
They stood there for a while, and Alec’s legs worked less and less, and pretty soon, Magnus suggested moving this to a place where they could sit. Alec was a tall man, and Magnus could only support all his weight for so long.  
“It’s my parents,” Alec explained, his head in Magnus’s lap, “They’re coming for Thanksgiving. I don’t want to see them. They’re so awful Mags.”  
“Do they know you’re gay?”  
Alec shook his head, “My dad would disown me so fast and I wouldn’t be surprised if he did worse. I tried so hard not to be gay. I realized it at fourteen, and a day didn’t go by that I didn’t try to be like everyone else. I just know that they are going to have some girl picked out for me, because I already disappoint them with my career, I won’t disappoint them with my relationship.”  
Magnus stayed quiet, and ran his fingers through Alec’s hair.  
“And I don’t want to see them. But with my parents it’s not really an option. And it’s not fair to you that I have to hide this. I shouldn’t have to.”  
“I don’t mind. Especially if your safety and well being are at stake. Did they hurt you Alec? When you were a kid?”  
“They didn’t hit me or anything. They just never took care of us, sometimes said nasty things. I had to do all the real parenting. That’s why Max’s death hit me so hard.”  
“Max?”  
“I didn’t tell you. I had another brother. Max. He died when he was twelve. An accident.”  
“I’m so sorry.”  
“Thank you. I don’t know Mags. I’d been doing good, mentally, but one email from my mother and I lose it.”  
“Do you take medication Alexander?” Magnus asked.  
Alec nodded, “Yeah.”  
“It’s not a perfect science though. You can still be sad. You can cry, and scream and I will be right beside you.”  


“Magnus?”  


“Yes?”  


“I love you.”  


Magnus paused and Alec was sure he wasn’t going to say it back and that was terrifying.  


But he smiled, “I love you too.”  
“Even after everything I just said. About my issues? My, as Jace puts it, emotional baggage.”  
“Of course. We all have baggage. I love you.”  
And Alec pulled Magnus in for a kiss.  
\----------  
Robert and Maryse Lightwood were greeted at their loft by the three children, all dressed in their best, and smiling, albeit forcibly. Alec had made sure Jace didn’t look too tired- he’d been out well past three in the morning, and he made sure Izzy wouldn’t snap back at her mother if her dress was criticized. It was just a few days, they needed it to go smoothly. It was a familiar action, ensuring that the time with their parents was as smooth as possible.  
Maryse deposited her bag on the sofa, and greeted each child with a chaste kiss to the cheek. Robert hugged his daughter, and shook Alec and Jace’s hands.  
They didn't much care for their father, not after the affair, but it was easier to pretend. It was easy to pretend they were one happy family, and so the press would leave them alone.  


Maryse and Robert didn't much care for each other anymore either.  
Maybe they never did. Alec wasn't sure which was sadder really. But they stayed together so not to cause a scandal. Robert had admitted to his affair, publically, and Maryse had forgiven him, publically.  


Privately, she was probably angrier than she had been when it all came out. That kind of anger, the kind you aren't allowed to show, only grows.  
“It's lovely to see you Mom,” Alec said, “How have you been?”  
She frowned, “Are you still fooling around taking photos?”  
He wasn't really sure what he had expected from her. Perhaps a “you're looking well Alec. Much better than the last time we spoke when you were about to kill yourself. Good for you.”  
He didn't know why he expected so much from her. She had never proved herself to be particurally caring.  
“Yes I am. But I've got a steady job now, at a magazine.”  
This seemed to appease her, if only a little, as she turned on Izzy about why she didn't have a husband or at least a steady boyfriend yet. Alec clapped his hands together behind his back so no one could see how badly they were shaking.  
Maryse sent Jace and Izzy off, with instructions to put their things away, and Robert told Alec to sit down. Izzy shot a look back at her brother, worry filling her eyes. Was Alec in some sort of trouble.  
Alec gave her a little nod, telling her it was alright.  
Maryse sat in the chair by the fireplace, while Alec sat on the sofa. Robert leaned against the mantel, and sort of smiled. It was an attempt to show Alec he didn’t need to be worried, he wasn’t in trouble.  
“We’ve found you the perfect girl Alec,” his mother exclaimed. Frankly, this was excited for her, though her tone was only a little happier than usual, and her smile didn’t reach her eyes.  
“Girl?” Though Alec understood what she was telling him, it wasn’t processing. Why had they been looking for girlfriend for him?  


Because, the voice in his head told him, they don’t know about you. They don’t know about Magnus. They want you to settle down and carry on the family name. You’re too scared to tell them.  
“Her name is Lydia Branwell,” Robert continued as if Alec had not spoken. He picked up the photo of his wedding on the manel, considered it, frowned, and sat it back down, “She’s really a lovely girl. She’s going to school for accounting, she’s bright, well spoken, and just two years younger than you.”  
“I’ve never even met her,” Alec argued. Like that was the reason he couldn’t be with Lydia Branwell.  
“That can be arranged. Her winter break begins at the end of December, and we offered to fly her out right after the new year, you two can get to know each other,” Robert assured him, “We really think you’ll like her.”  
“What if I don’t want to marry Lydia Branwell?”  
Alec was not sure where this burst of courage had come from. He had never, ever spoken to his parents like that. He wouldn’t dare.  


But he thought of Magnus, and how much he loved him. How, if he had to get married, it was not going to be to Lydia, or to a woman at all. It might very well be to Magnus.  


“Do you think it matters what you want?” Maryse asked in an icy whisper, “Do you think we marry for love or because we want to? You are a Lightwood Alec. Lightwoods marry good, well thought of people, because our name has had enough tarnish. Lydia Branwell will be good for you.”  
Alec wanted to say more, but his burst of courage had exhausted itself.  
“That is the end of that,” Maryse said, standing up and straightening her blouse, “Go.”


	6. meet the parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homophobia, both internalized and not, and more mentions of self destructive behavior and thoughts

Alec explained to Magnus his parents intentions as soon as he could.  
His parents wanted to see where Izzy worked- they liked that she had, what they called a “real job” even if it wasn’t what they wanted her to do, so Alec figured he had enough time to make it to Magnus’s office and back.  
Alec had stood in front of Magnus’s desk and didn’t look up the entire time. Instead he focused on the scuff mark on his shoes, and how clean the floor was. He was afraid that if he looked up at Magnus, he’d see disappointment, or something akin to that.  
“Did you tell them you were involved with someone?” Magnus asked.  
Alec shook his head, “I couldn’t muster up the courage. I would have. I don’t know. I’m an adult and they still scare the hell out of me. I don’t know what would happen to me if I told them.”  
“Alexander look at me would you?”  
He did, slowly, and Magnus did not look upset. In fact, he looked a bit concerned.  
“You cannot marry Lydia.”  
“I know that-”  
“And so you have to tell your parents, preferably before she gets here, some sort of story. I will do anything I can to help. I know you don't want to tell them, but Lydia doesn't need to be dragged out here, only to discover all this.”  
Alec nodded, “You’re right. Of course you’re right.”  
“Are you going to be alright?”  
Alec didn’t respond. He had heard Magnus, but honestly, he didn’t know if he was going to be alright. He wanted to go home, crawl into bed, and stay there for about two weeks. He knew this feeling and he very much wanted it to go away.  


Last time he had felt like this it hadn’t ended well.  


“Alexander come over here,” Magnus’s voice broke into his thoughts. Alec walked over, Magnus stood up, and turned them to face the big picture window.  
Magnus’s office was on the twenty fourth floor, and the view was spectacular.  


“Eight million people live in this city Alec. We’re just two of them. Your parents are just another two. I know that it’s hard to understand this, but you’re parents are just one of millions. Their opinion means a lot to you, and I get that. I know what it’s like to be dying for approval. But not a single other person, save for myself, your siblings and perhaps my friends give one single damn about the scandal it would be if you didn’t marry Lydia Branwell. And even then, they wouldn't care that you didn't do it, just the affect it would have on you. You’re always trying to please the whole world. The whole world doesn’t care. The only people that need to matter are the ones who have your interests at heart. Your parents do not. They have this preconceived notion that their position in the world is more important than the mental health and happiness of their eldest son. Of those eight million people, of the seven billion people in this world, a small fraction are going to care if you smudge your family’s name by dating another man. And you know what-”  


“Screw the ones who do,” Alec whispered, “You’re right.”  


It was hard to take in but Magnus was right. Ever since he was little, Alec had wanted to please the world- and perhaps he thought his parents represented the world. That if he disappointed his mother and father, the world would turn their back on him.  
For once, Alec wanted to exist only with the people he loved.  
“I’m going to tell them I can’t be with Lydia because I’m already seeing someone.”  


And Magnus smiled, “I’m proud of you. You be your own person Alexander.”  
\----------  
So Alec told his parents.  


They were, to put it in simple terms, shocked. Izzy had tried to talk Alec out of it. But Alec was determined. He had Magnus weren’t going anywhere, he told her, and that was that.  
“We would like to meet her,” Maryse said, after the initial shock had left her face, “We’d like to know she’s worth you.”  
Alec translated this to mean, we’d like to know she’s worth the Lightwood name, but he nodded.  


“Him,” he replied.  


Now, if they had been shocked at the fact Alec was seeing something, they were dumbfounded at the fact that the someone was a man.  


“I’m sorry?” Robert asked, leaning in like he had heard wrong.  
“I said him. I am not dating a girl.” Alec said it with more conviction this time, thinking about Magnus's smile, and the way they fit together like two puzzle pieces.  
“What you’re gay?” Maryse scoffed, “No you aren’t.”  
“Sorry to disappoint. You are welcome to meet him of course.”  
Maryse stood up and began pacing, “Who knows?”  
“What?” Alec asked. Robert hadn’t said anything. He had an odd look on his face, one Alec hadn’t seen before. He didn't have a single clue what it meant.  
“Who knows about you and this man?”  
“Jace and Iz. A couple of his friends. We haven’t told the tabloids if that’s what you mean.”  
Maryse looked as if a snarky response was about to come out, but she paused, and softened. She decided to try another route.  
“Lots of boys experiment. Robert’s friend in high school thought he was gay, remember that Robert? You’re trying to figure it out. Perhaps this is some sort of delayed teenage rebellion. Best to get it out now, before January.”  
Her voice was almost kind.  


Almost.  


“Is that what you think this is? Some phase? Mom, don’t you think if this was a phase I’d have worked through it? Don’t you think I had panic attacks over thinking about how you would react? When I locked myself in the bathroom almost every night at fourteen, don’t you think I’d have given anything to have this be a phase?”  


She had not been expecting this. It was clear.  


“Just keep it to yourself Alec,” Robert finally spoke up, clearing having suppressed whatever was keeping him silent, “And when the time comes, you marry Lydia and you move on. See this boy, whatever, until you get married. Then you get over it.”  
It was a compromise. Alec realized this, as did Maryse. Robert must have learned from the fallout of his affair.  
“We’re going to let him get away with this?” Maryse exclaimed. Robert ran a hand over his face.  
“It’s two more months. Let the boy alone. Once he’s married, he’ll realize all he was missing was a nice girl. Let’s humor him alright?”  


Alec wondered what the hell was going on.  
\----------  
It was that night, Robert had called Alec,, when things became clear.  
He’d left his parents with instructions on what time to be there for Thanksgiving, and a curt goodbye.  
“He was my best friend,” Robert had said, “I loved him like a brother. He was gay too. And Alec don’t end up like him. He got mixed up with the wrong crowd. Got himself into a lot of trouble. You can’t be gay or you’ll end up like him.”  
“Dad-”  
Magnus was listening in silence. This was a father son conversation. He was a little surprised Alec had put the phone on speaker. Perhaps he just didn't want to have to relay the conversation after.  
“I mean it. I don’t approve. I didn’t approve of him either, but you’re smart. You’ll come to your senses, and that will be that. It’s just a phase Alec, don’t let it ruin your life.”  
“It won’t-”  
“Never mind that. We’ll humor you. We’ll meet your friend. And that will be the end of it. You’ll keep it a secret, and we’ll put all of this behind us.”  
Alec had wanted to say more, but Robert hung up the phone suddenly, and Alec was definitely not going to call him back.  


“You have a very interesting family,” Magnus said, after about thirty seconds of dead silence. Alec still held his phone in front of him, “Should I perhaps wear armor to this meeting?”  


Alec’s mouth twitched in what could have been described as a smile, but he didn’t think Magnus was fully joking.  


“Of course not. It’ll be quick. I’m sorry.”  
“We don’t get to pick our parents Alexander. Come on, it’s late. Stay the night.”  
Alec stifled a yawn, realizing how tired he was, and nodded.

\----------

The meeting between the Lightwoods and Magnus was to be held at Magnus’s place. This had been in Alec’s criteria, because if things turned into a famous Lightwood fight, he wanted to be on home turf, and Magnus seemed very willing to throw the pair of them out. A little too eager, which Alec thought he was doing to cheer Alec up.  


Izzy and Jace would attend this as well, this was part two of the criteria. They would have all been together for Thanksgiving anyway, so they’d come over together. Magnus would have drinks, and something light to eat. It wouldn’t be a full meal, as they’d have just eaten Thanksgiving dinner.  


Alec hoped everyone would be too full to really do much. They’d order food of course, his mother couldn’t be bothered to make anything, and why not have someone professional make you meals if you could afford it.  


Thanksgiving dinner was tense. Maryse kept shooting Alec icy glares, and Robert appeared to be hungover. Alec however, enjoyed hearing about Izzy’s new responsibilities, and Jace was all too happy to share some of the comments he’d gotten on his latest piece of music.  


And hearing his brother and sister’s accomplishments made Alec happy too. He’d worked to hard to make sure Jace and Izzy could be the best at whatever they wanted. It looked like he’d succeeded.  


At three-thirty, Maryse announced that they should head out. Alec shot Magnus a text to warn him. She had bought a bottle of wine as a sort of peace offering, since apparently all she knew about Magnus Bane was from an article she had once read where he mentioned he liked wine.  


Alec had to give her credit. Only his mother could make a peace offering, and an expensive one at that, seem passive aggressive.  
When they arrived, she’d handed it to him, and told him she had “read you like to drink.”  


That sort of set the tone for the rest of the afternoon.  


In that it was passive aggressive, and snarky.  


“So,” Maryse asked, “How long have you been gay? Is this a new thing for you? Because it is for Alec.”  
Magnus almost spit out his drink, and Izzy looked both horrified, and embarrassed.  


“Well, I’m not gay,” Magnus replied. He’d promised Alec to try and behave, so that there was a small chance Maryse and Robert would just let them be together, and butt out, “I’m bi. But all of my life. And I’m twenty-nine. So. Twenty-nine years.”  


Alec hid his smile behind his glass.  


“Mom,” Jace began carefully, “In all fairness it’s not a new thing for Alec.”  


"Hush Jace,” Robert muttered, “Let your mother talk.”  


It continued this way for about fifteen minutes. Maryse would ask a snarky question, trying to get the upper hand, and Magnus would answer.  


It was a bit like an interrogation, and Alec was very sorry he’d let this happen. That was his boyfriend his mother was digging at. He should do something to stop her.  
Magnus had had a lot of interviews in his life. There had been rude interviewers, who asked too many rude, personal questions, and there had been press who had asked him to confirm rumors that were very far from the truth.  


But this was something else.  


It was sort of like she cared about Alec. At least that’s how she was acting. It was like she was vetting Magnus, and if he passed, she’d sit back, and give the relationship her blessing.  
Magnus thought this was highly unlikely.  


“Look, Mrs.Lightwood-” he thought that was a nice touch. Maryse seemed a little informal, “I’m in love with Alec. I don’t know what else you want from me.”  


Isabelle and Jace both gave Alec the same look when Magnus used the word love. With everything, Alec hadn’t mentioned that he and Magnus had exchanged I love you’s. Jace patted Alec on the shoulder, as if to say, good for you. Izzy look held promise of hugs later, and perhaps some shrieking.  


“Just keep it out of the press,” Maryse threw her hands up, in something that resembled defeat, “We don’t need another affair to our name.”  
“Magnus isn’t an affair,” Alec said. He had been mentally commenting on everything so far, but this was the first thing he said outloud.  
“And get out of my house,” Magnus added for good measure, “Isabelle and Jace can stay.”  
“We’ll leave you to it,” Izzy said, though Jace looked happy to stay at Magnus’s house and eat his food, “Alec, see you later.”  
Izzy took Jace by the arm, and pulled them both out behind an appalled looking Robert and Maryse.  
Magnus looked at Alec hesitantly. Was Alec going to be upset? How was this going to affect him?  


But Alec smiled, “That was great.”  


They spent most of the afternoon on the sofa, legs intertwined, and a bottle of champagne in between them. Alec laughed so hard once, it almost came out of his nose.  
“I love you,” Magnus kept saying, “Did you know that?”  
Alec nodded, “I love you too.”  
“You’re parents are pretty awful.”  
Alec laughed, “Yeah, they are. Actually it went better than it could have.”


	7. the first snowfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x18 was wild friends

Alec liked the snow. It made beautiful photos, and he liked to take long walks, because the snow made everything softer somehow, easier to look at, not as harsh. And the way it was falling this morning, lightly, sticking to the trees and the ground, without a breath of wind. So when he woke up to the bright white light of a newfallen snow, he’d thrown off the covers like a little kid, and run out to the balcony, in nothing but a pair of pajama pants.  


Magnus, however, was not a fan. He complained the entire morning, but still agreed to go out with Alec that morning. Alec thought it was a little adorable, the way Magnus piled on jackets and a scarf, and gloves, like they were going on an Arctic exhibition. He’d yelled at Alec to come back inside before he got sick and what the actual hell did he think he was doing out there without a jacket.  


Alec had spent all breakfast begging Magnus to come out with him, and didn’t once give into Magnus’s complaints. When Magnus agreed, Alec had jumped up, kissed the top of his head, and promised they could spend the afternoon with the heat turned up.  
“You look like a stuffed animal,” Alec said, “It’s kind of cute. But you look a little murderous.”  
Magnus rolled his eyes, “I don’t like the cold.”  
“It’s hardly snowing. Most of the snow already fell,” Alec pointed out, peeling back the curtains, “Look.”  
“It’s too much snow. I don’t know why I insist on this cold climate.”  
“Well you’re stuck here now, because I’m not moving south.”  
Magnus had looked appalled to find out Alec was leaving the house in nothing but a jacket and gloves- no hat, no scarf. Did this man not feel cold? What sort of being was his boyfriend?  
Alec rolled his eyes, and opened the door for Magnus, to make him get a move on.  


In the time they’d been together, Alec had become much more comfortable with public affection. So now, as they walked down the stairs and into the streets, he kept his arm around Magnus, and listened as Magnus explained his latest inspiration.  


Alec thought listening to Magnus talk about the things he loved was one of his favorite things to do.  


“Anyway, it’s sort of a versatile, going from fall to winter thing. I’m still working through the details, and the actual concept, but this is going to be good Alexander.”  
“I bet so. Ask Iz what she thinks. She knows a lot about that kind of stuff.”  
“You love your siblings,” Magnus said suddenly, changing the topic. He said it like he’d never realized it before, “Don’t you?”  
Alec nodded, “I’m proud of them. We didn’t have it the easiest, especially Jace, but they’re all great at what they do, and they have hobbies, and relationships, and they’re smart, and kind, and loving. I feel kind of responsible for them.”  
Magnus nodded, “I’ve a friend like that. Raphael, his name is. He had some problems as a teenager, and I kind of took him under my wing. We’re always fond of the people we care for.”  
Alec nodded, “I’m fond of you.”  
Magnus wasn’t sure if it was the cold, or what Alec had said that was making his face turn red. Alec smiled, and Magnus walked closer.  
“I’m fond of you too. Hey,” Magnus stopped suddenly, as if stuck by thought, “it’s almost Christmas. We have to go shopping.”  
“It’s December 10th,” Alec stated. He’d never been big on any holidays (when Magnus had seen his halloween costume of photographer, Alec thought he might have been dumped then and there that’s how horrified Magnus looked) but he had to admit, seeing Magnus light up at celebrations was wonderful.  
“You’ve been distracting me. I’d have gone earlier. I came out in this weather, you can humor me by coming Christmas shopping today. I’ve got to get some in the mail, and I don’t want things to be sold out. It’s so frustrating to find the perfect gift, only to find it’s sold out. Besides, I don’t know what to get Jace and Isabelle.”  
“You’re getting them something?” Alec asked, thoroughly surprised.  
Magnus nodded, like this was obvious, “You love them, so I love them too.”  


Alec didn’t realize you could love somebody this much.  


And that was how Alec ended up being dragged through half of the city, as Magnus figured out exactly what to get his loved ones for the holidays. It was a very meticulous process apparently, because they had spent twenty minutes in a clothing store, because Magnus had to get Raphael the perfect cufflinks because apparently Raphael liked to wear suits, and Magnus appreciated his fashion sense, and although Alec really didn’t think that much time needed to be spent to pick a present, but he found it endearing that Magnus spent so much time. Alec usually drew up a list, and was in and out in an hour or less.  
But he’d been Izzy’s shopping assistant before, so he knew how to sit back and let the shopper shop, and he couldn’t even imagine being bored with Magnus, even though shopping with Iz could be a little tedious sometimes.  
“What are you doing?” Magnus asked. They’d stepped into the next store, and Magnus was beginning to run out of hands. Alec had taken some of the bags.  
“I’ll hold some of that.”  
“Alexander you are so thoughtful,” Magnus said, pressing a kiss to Alec’s cheek, “Thank you.”  
“It’s not a big deal. I got some stuff too. And we have a kind of long walk.”  
“You’re just a good boyfriend.”  
Alec blushed himself now, “I’m trying.”  


It was a strange thing, Alec thought to himself, that Magnus seemed so surprised, but Magnus didn’t talk much about his past relationships. Alec knew about Camille. Actually, most people knew about Camille. They’re relationship was in all the magazines, but Magnus didn’t like to talk about her, and so Alec didn’t force it. He knew there had only been a few serious ones, but he had never asked how or why they had ended, or what Magnus thought of them now.  


They didn’t matter. Magnus had made it very clear that Alec was the here, the now, and maybe the future too. He’d made it clear that what he and Alec had was new for him too.  


And so Alec was going to be the best boyfriend he could, cliches and criticisms be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why does magnus hate the cold? who knows, it's just cute


	8. christmastime in the city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just christmas fluff there is no real content here

Since they had come for Thanksgiving, Maryse and Robert had called to say they would not be flying in for Christmas, because that was a large amount of money and hassle.  
“I think they’re still mad,” Jace had said while Alec was helping him find a present for Clary, “Which is fine, screw them, but I wish one of them had the guts to tell us the real reason, because I’m calling bullshit on this whole money thing. We both know that’s not true.”  
Alec nodded, but didn’t say anything. They were in a crowded art store, and Jace had already turned down every single suggestion Alec had given him. 

And Alec didn’t want to talk about this.  


“Are you going to be at Magnus’s?” Jace asked, picking up a snow globe and setting it back down.  
“Oh I forgot to tell you, Mags says you and Iz can come over on Christmas.”  
“You call him Mags?” Jace raised his eyebrows.  
“Shut up.” Alec shoved his hands in his pockets, slightly embarassed.  
“Sure, I’m hanging with Clary on Christmas Eve, but she’s spending the day with her family, and probably Simon.”  
“Isn’t he Jewish?”  
“Yeah but I think they hang out together for their respective holidays, because she was going to go to his house for Hanukkah.”  
“Good he won’t be with Izzy and therefore us.”  
Jace rolled his eyes, “Leave Simon alone.”  
“Can’t believe you had a crush on him.”  
Jace stuck out his tongue, and ducked into another aisle.  
\----------  
Magnus had spent ages picking out the perfect gift for Alec. He didn’t want to make it too elaborate or extravagant, because they’d only been together three months (almost four, he reminded himself) but he also wanted to make sure Alec knew how much he cared for him.  
He’d spent an afternoon with Will, Jem, and Tessa, some of his dearest friends, and since they’d met Alec precisely one time, in passing, he figured they could help him as well as anyone else.  
“Has he said anything?” Will asked. Magnus was helping Will with the tree, while Jem and Tessa tried to untangle the lights, “Because Jem always makes it well known by the middle of November what he wants.”  
“Ok that’s you,” Tessa muttered, “Nice try though.”  
Magnus shook his head, “I thought when we went shopping he’d have pointed something out, but I think he’s too shy.”  
“Doesn’t he have family you can ask?” Jem wondered.  
Magnus nodded, “No he has siblings. I just don’t want them thinking that I don’t know what he likes, because I do, I just don’t know what to get him.”  
Will rolled his eyes, “So what does he like Magnus?”  


And that’s how Magnus managed to spend the next fifteen minutes talking about Alec.  
\----------  
And so Christmas rolled around. Magnus, who had never been particularly religious, still enjoyed the holidays because they were a chance to celebrate, and celebrating was something he enjoyed. Alec, who hadn’t grown up in a very celebratory environment, was a little surprised to come over to Magnus’s and discover Christmas music blaring, and the apartment in various states of decorated.  
It was a new thing, but he had to admit, Magnus looked really cute in that stupid snowman sweater, and he sounded very good singing “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”.  
Alec set down the groceries he’d picked up and indulged Magnus in his insistence that there was mistletoe so they had to kiss.  
There was an awful lot of mistletoe in that apartment.  
It was snowing again, and Alec hung up his jacket to dry, and helped Magnus put up the lights, and decorate his tree.  
There was a tinsel fight, and they somehow managed to get tangled up on the floor in a pile of that fluffy fake snow stuff.  
“You like fake snow?” Alec had asked, “This stuff is tacky.”  
Magnus had gasped in mock horror at even being associated with the word tacky, and so they’d ended up in a heap. Magnus took a deep breath, took Alec’s face in his hands and kissed him. It was a good kiss to, Alec thought, probably one of his favorites. Alec didn’t have much (fine, any) real experience with kissing, but Magnus had to be the best kisser there was.  
“Merry Christmas,” Magnus said, grinning.  
“It’s not even the twenty fifth and I’ve already got the best present I could ask for. You spoil me.”  
\----------  
Christmas dawned white and cold. It had snowed all night, and was still snowing when Magnus woke up. Alec had spent the night again, and Magnus was beginning to remember what it felt like to wake up with someone in the morning. Alec was the first, in what seemed like an eternity, to stay until the morning.  


People were always leaving, but Alec always came back.  


He’d said Jace and Isabelle would come over today, later that morning, so Magnus thought he should probably get up and maybe make coffee, or some breakfast. He should at least make himself look presentable.  


But Alec was sort of curled around him, and if he got up, Alec would probably get up too, and Alec just looked so peaceful asleep, and so Magnus just stayed in bed.  


He supposed it was Christmas. He could relax a bit.  


They had stayed up late, because for some reason, Alec had never seen It’s a Wonderful Life, and though Magnus found the film a little dated, it was a classic, and this was just unacceptable. They’d camped out on the sofa, and Alec had used Magnus’s thigh as a pillow.  
It had been late, almost two, when they finally came to bed and fell right asleep.  
Magnus slept better with Alec there if he was being honest. Didn't wake up as often, overwhelmed with memories that the vulnerability of sleep brought out. If he did wake up, he'd roll over, into Alec’s arms and calm himself down enough to go back to sleep.  
\----------  
They’d exchanged presents over a pot of coffee, with sleepy kisses, and music drifting in from the other room. Magnus produced a Christmas sweater for Alec to wear, and though Jace would never ever let him live this down, it made Magnus smile, and Alec would do pretty much anything for that.  
If it meant forever having this god awful christmas tree and reindeer sweater on Izzy’s Twitter or Jace’s Instagram, so be it.  
Alec had actually got his present idea from Jace who was working on a song for Clary.  
“It’s personal, but not too expensive,” Jace had explained, “The perfect combination.”  
When jace had become a relationship guru, Alec didn’t know, but he was thankful to his brother for the suggestion, and hurried off to get a present together.  


It had taken a few days to gather up all of the photos. Magnus tended to complement nearly every photo Alec took, but there were some that Magnus seemed to really like, ones he’d screenshotted, or told Alec to get framed- and Alec had uploaded them, turned them into a scrapbook, and wrote a letter thanking Magnus for everything he’d done for Alec since they’d met and a declaration of how much Alec loved him.  
Magnus too took a sentimental route. He’d fussed over what Alec would like, but in the end, decided what Alec liked, was being together. He wasn’t overly materialistic. So he’d gone down to hardware store and had a key made- key to the apartment. It was really a symbolic gesture of course. There were about three layers of security between the street and the apartment, so Magnus rarely locked his door.  


Alec would understand.  
Along with the key, he had found, in a little shop, a camera strap in dark blue, the exact shade of Alec’s favorite color, and Alec had been mentioning how worn out his own was getting.  
They’d both been a little teary eyed, and Alec had turned away, running his finger over the key.  
“Your siblings will be here soon,” Magnus announced, jumping up, “We can be sappy later.”


	9. a winter's ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of past character death but it's not really that much
> 
>  
> 
> yes the title is from hamilton

Alec was not a big party person, but Izzy informed him that a gala and a party were very different and what was wrong with him? A party could be loud. The music would be loud and people would be dancing and not slow partner dancing, that sort of jumping dance people do. There would be lots of hard liquor and Alec wouldn’t like it.  


A gala was much more his style, she assured him. The music was probably going to be from a string quartet, the drinking would be champagne (that was one of the few drinks Alec actually enjoyed), and he didn’t have to dance and it wouldn’t be that loud. Galas were fancy, and very classy.  
And so Alec texted Magnus to tell him that yes, he would love to attend the gala as Magnus’s date and thank you for the invitation.  
The Lightwood children rarely went to events with their parents, and their parents rarely went to charity events period. Alec remembered attending a press conference with his father once, but that was about it. Despite their major lack of parenting ability, Robert and Maryse had done a good job keeping their kids out of the spotlight.  
Looking back, Alec thought this was more so about their desire to hide their shortcomings, and less about the kids best interests. But Alec appreciated it nonetheless.  
Alec shot Magnus another text that read: “You have to teach me how to act. It’s been along time since I was around rich people.”  
In his office, where Magnus was reading the text, he laughed to himself and replied, “just follow my lead. I’ll take you shopping. Meet me in twenty?”  
\----------  
“What’s this even for?” Alec asked, leaning in to give Magnus a kiss on the cheek when he got to the office, “I forgot to ask when you texted me.”  
“A children’s hospital”  
Alec felt his stomach drop, “Mount Sinai?’  
Magnus furrowed his eyebrows, “Yeah. Why?”  
“That’s where my little brother was. Before he died.”  
“Oh Alexander. I’m so sorry. We don’t have to-”  
Alec shook his head, “No, they did so much for him. I want to go.”  
Magnus squeezed his hand, “I mean it. We do not have to go.”  
“I know that. It’s fine. You’ll be there won’t you?” Alec smiled.  
“I’ll always be there. Now, I’m taking you shopping, and we’ll get you something to wear. I love you darling, but you only wear three colors.”  


He thought maybe Alec smiled just a little.  


Alec didn’t tell Magnus much about Max, just the basics. There had been an accident. Max was twelve. That was it. Magnus understood this was a painful topic, and he never pressed. Magnus had enough demons of his own to know that people didn’t always want to discuss their painful pasts. And Alec didn’t really discuss Max with even Jace or Izzy, and they were in the same position.  


And he didn’t press now. Even though he thought that maybe if Alec talked about it, he wouldn’t look so pained. So burdened. Magnus would never press.  


“He was walking home. He was twelve, and it was only a few blocks. I think he had friends with him, I don’t really remember. The whole time is a blur. And there was a robbery going on. He got caught in the crossfire. He managed to survive two more weeks,” Alec whispered, and Magnus took his hands, “I should have picked him up. No one was around, and I live with that everyday. It should have been me instead. I wish I could go back in time and get him home. Or be there instead of him.”  


Magnus shook his head, “There was nothing that could have been done then and there's nothing you can do now. It was a freak accident. And you are here Alec. Max wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”  


“I was his big brother. I was supposed to take care of him,” Alec’s voice cracked a little, but he managed to keep his emotions in check.  
“Things happen. Things happen and you can’t do a damn thing about them.”  
Alec shrugged, “Thanks for listening. Now are we going out?”  


He did not want to continue this conversation.  


“Yeah,” Magnus hooked his arm through Alec’s, “We are.”

\----------

The hall had been decorated divinely, to match the Christmas theme. Magnus seemed to know everyone- he also liked to tell Alec who knew their winter wardrobe colors and who didn't- and Alec enjoyed the quiet atmosphere and the light music.  
Izzy was certainly right about this.  
Magnus's friend- Magnus did seem to know a lot of people- Jem Carstairs was part of the orchestra, and he told Alec he'd play whatever he liked.  


They’d only met once, but Alec liked Jem. And Jem seemed to like him. It was important that Magnus’s friends like Alec, because it was like Magnus’s family. Alec never asked about Magnus’s parents because he figured if he wanted to share, he would have.  
S

o if Alec could impress Magnus’s close friends, that would be just as good as impressing a mother or father.  
They’d stuck to the sides mainly. Magnus introduced Alec, and kept saying things like “yes, he’s the one that took those pictures for the last issue,” and “weren’t they spectacular. I’m so proud of him.”  
\----------  
“Alexander I don’t wish to alarm you, but aren’t those your parents?” Magnus muttered, standing on his toes a bit to get a better look over Alec’s shoulder.  


Alec stole a glance backwards and almost dropped his glass. Now that would have been embarrassing. Magnus reached out and brushed his thumb across Alec’s cheek, in a reassuring sort of way.  


This was exactly the opposite of what his parents had said. This was not keeping their relationship private. This was a very public event, and though Alec and Magnus weren’t making out on the dance floor, it wouldn’t take much to deduce the nature of their relationship.  
“Yes.It’s them. I didn’t know they were back in the city. They never come to this stuff.”  
“It’s a large enough party. We can avoid them angel. It won’t be to hard.”  


Alec nodded and couldn’t find the words to express just how desperately he wanted to do just that. Frankly he wanted to leave, but they hadn’t even served dinner, and he wanted to show Magnus he could be brave. And if anyone asked, Alec could always says Magnus had invited him because the cause was important to Alec. That wasn't even a lie. No one needed to know the nature of their relationship. The press was always screwing things up, and no one believed anything they read anyway. Alec was being dramatic, it would be alright.  


Alec finished his glass in one sip, and asked Magnus for the rest of his.  
\----------  
And then they were kissing. Alec wasn’t sure what had overcome him, but he hated the questioning looks, and it was so pretty in here, and maybe he had had a little too much champagne because he felt all warm and giddy inside.  


They had kissed before of course, but this was in public. This was in front of not only most of the upper class of New York City, but in front of Alec’s parents, and the press. The eldest son of Robert and Maryse Lightwood was kissing another man, right there for everyone to see.  


The tabloids were going to love this one.  


“You continue to amaze me Alec,” Magnus whispered,  


“Yeah. On a scale of one to ten how mad do they look?”  


“Oh about an eleven,” Magnus replied, pulling lightly on Alec’s tie, “Your mother just left. Now your father is following her.”  


And so Alec kissed him again. 

\---------

He got an email from Lydia Bramwell a few days later. She had heard about the gala and she thought he was brave. She wished him nothing but the best, and hoped they could become a sort of friends.  
He agreed, thanked her for being so understanding and told her he hoped she found someone she deserved, someone who loved her and treated her right. He got a call from his cousin, Aline, who lived in Europe. She joked that she didn’t know families could have two gay cousins. It made him smile.  


The gossip spread like wildfire, but, like any fire, it eventually died out.  
Really, it wasn't that exciting for the media. Sure, it was a bit unexpected, but the Lightwood children had been out of the spot lot for so long, people didn't even know if it even was news. Maybe Alec had been kissing boys since he was a teenager, and all his family knew, he just kept it to himself. Once the initial shock died down, people stopped caring.  


Besides, there was always other news.


	10. interlude: soulmates

When she was little, Isabelle Lightwood had been a hopeless romantic. Though she enjoyed a good romance movie, and the stories about people finding each other after years apart, she was much more practical now.  


But child Isabelle had loved everything and anything about romance. She'd read fairy tales over and over until they were memorized and watched any movie that had the slightest hint of romance, even if it was awful.  


When she was ten, she asked Alec if he believed in soulmates. It was a word that kept popping up in her stories, but she couldn't really decide if she agreed or not.  


Alec had shrugged, “I don't know. Maybe. But they must be hard to find. Someone who completes you? That's a big deal.”  


Isabelle had accepted her brother’s answer because she always accepted his answers. Alec knew everything.  


“Do you think Mom and Dad are soulmates?” was her next question.  


He shrugged again, “I don't know. Probably. You would probably marry your soulmate.”  


It hadn't been the answer Isabelle had wanted, but it was the answer she got.  


Later, when she was sixteen, she'd ask Alec again. This time she'd just had her heart shattered by a boy, one she had been sure was going to be more than he turned out to be.  


“Do you believe in soulmates?” She had asked. Her makeup was smudged, and she sat at her vanity, while Alec stood behind her, braiding her hair like he used to do when she was little. It always helped her calm down.  


“No,” Alec replied before he could stop himself, “I don't.”  


It was hard to see how distant, how cold Alec had grown. He'd always been a serious child, but this was different. It was harsh. It was almost callous. 

There was a difference between begging serious and responsible and being closed off and burdened.  


“Why not?” She pried, “you used to say that you weren't sure. Why did you change your mind?”  


“Because how could there be someone out there who could stand to be with me? I can't even stand to be with me,” he said. It had sounded broken, but Izzy hadn't seen Alec cry in years. If he was sad, it was in private. No one was allowed to see him upset. And he didn't cry now. In fact, there was little real emotion at all on his face.  


She wanted to say more, but she couldn't find the words.  


“I've got work to do,” and with that he left her room and he didn't leave his for the rest of the evening.  


“I love you,” she had called after him, but all she got in response, was the closing of his bedroom door. 

This was the conversation that came to mind now. It was late, and Magnus had long since fallen asleep, pressed against Alec.  
He had always wanted to believe in soulmates. Perhaps he shared some of Izzy’s romantic notions. He just couldn't force himself to.  


But God, if Magnus wasn't his soulmate then he was calling bull on the whole idea itself.  
Magnus sighed in his sleep, and Alec pulled the blanket up a little more.  


This was the eighth consecutive night at Magnus’s and Jace said that once you exceed a week’s worth of nights in someone else’s bed you live there now and sorry he didn’t make the rules. Alec supposed that was Jace’s way of telling him Clary was sort of living with them now.  


It hadn't been official. Alec had just started leaving things at Magnus’s instead of bringing them when he came over. There were two toothbrushes at the sink. Alec’s clothes began to be interfiled with Magnus’s. There were photography books on the coffee table, and there was a copy of Alec’s favorite painting on the living room wall. His favorite brand of coffee was in the kitchen, and the fridge had photos of the two of them.  
It looked as if two people lived here. Two people existed together.

 

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Alec asked over breakfast.  
Brown eyes met hazel, and Magnus smiled, “I do now.”


	11. tell me about your past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some mentions of eating disorders/other self destructive behaviors but it's only mentioned

Magnus didn’t realize he was calling Alec until the phone was already ringing. He liked to keep his issues to himself. He’d had a hard enough time hiding things when he was just starting out in the industry, and now, with so much going for him, he really wanted to work through things on his own.  


Maybe he was a little drunk.  


But the phone was ringing, and Magnus wasn’t hanging up. Why wasn’t he hanging up? What was wrong with him? He could send a text, “sorry didn’t mean to call you, see you in the morning!”  


In fact, it would be believable. Alec had texted Magnus earlier, to say he and Jace were going to be out until some ungodly hour, and that since that apartment was closer, he'd crash there and he'd be home in the morning.  


Magnus could say he meant to do something else, but instead called Alec.  


But he didn't do that. And then Alec picked up.  
“Hello?” Alec’s sleepy voice on the other end said, “Mags?”  
“Hey, can you talk? I didn’t mean to wake you up. Sorry.”  
“It’s fine. Yeah I can talk. What’s up? Are you ok?”  
“Yeah-”  
“You don’t sound ok though.”  
“I mean,” Magnus took a deep breath, “Can I see you? I know it’s late but I want to see you.”  
Alec understood that want meant need. Sometimes you said you wanted something, because you didn’t understand you really needed it.  
“Of course. Give me a few minutes. Magnus are you going to do anything if I hang up?”  
“Do anything?” Magnus didn’t understand.  
“That’s what Jace always asked. If I was going to do anything if he hung up. Hurt yourself I mean. You really don’t sound good.”  
“Oh no. No, I’m not.”  
“Alright. Give me twenty minutes. I’m coming.”  
“You don't have to-”  
“I'm already up. There in ten.”  
Magnus stayed on the phone for about a minute after Alec had hung up, and then tossed it onto the chair across the room.  


He couldn’t believe he’d actually called Alec.  
\----------  
Alec showed up in his pajamas. He didn’t want to spend time getting dressed, he instead used that time to write a note to Jace that he was fine, just at Magnus’s. Alec knew all too well what it felt like to need someone in the middle of the night. He understood, he just didn’t know Magnus seemed to share some of the same issues.  


Magnus flung the door open, and he wasn’t dressed up at all. He didn’t have his hair done, or his makeup, and he was clad in a pair of flannel pants, and a shirt Alec was pretty sure was his. And the half empty whisky bottle on the coffee table spoke for itself.  


“I’m here,” Alec said, and Magnus pulled him into the apartment.  


They settled on the sofa, as it was the closest, and Alec had found that laying in bed when you knew you weren’t going to sleep, no matter how tired, never helped.  
“You can tell me anything,” Alec said, as Magnus curled against him, “I’ll be here. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. Let me share the load.”  


“When I was a child, my mother killed herself.”  


Alec nodded, and rested his chin on Magnus’s head. That was Magnus couldn’t see how he reacted. If that was only the beginning, and Alec’s heart had already sped up, he and a feeling he'd need to be ready for the rest of it.  


"And my stepfather blamed me. I don’t know, we were never the same after that. I wasn’t good enough. It was his idea to get me into modeling. I liked the jobs, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a tough industry. I had a lot of health issues, both mental and physical, because they expect nothing but perfection from you. That’s when I was dating Camille, who, at the time, helped me through that, but I see now it was for her own gain. I did love her, I think, in a way. We did love each other. But, she never really cared about me. Not like you do.”  


“I love you.”  


“I love you too.”  


It was a needed interruption.  


“Anyway, I took a break when I was twenty. I think if I didn’t, it would have killed me. I hardly ate, because I needed to prove myself Alexander. I need to be perfect. I still have trouble eating enough honestly, I hardly slept, and I probably wasn’t too far away from pitching myself off a bridge.”  
Alec tightened his grip, just a little bit. Magnus understood. It hurt Alec to see Magnus, someone he loved, be in pain, because it hurt Magnus to see Alec in pain. And really, Alec chastised himself, if I had been paying more attention, I might have picked up on something.  


“And after I came back, people wanted to know why I had disappeared when I was at the top of my game, and I couldn’t tell them. Even if I had found the words, I don’t think I could have said it. I was terrified that people would judge me too harshly. People don't want to hear about your anxiety. They don't want to hear that you were starving yourself. So I took up editing, designing. I didn't have to be so scrutinized. It was what I needed to do.”  


“I think you made the right choice Magnus. For you.”  


Magnus nodded, “I still think about all these things though. My mother’s dead body-it was me that found her- and the look of disappointment in my stepfather’s eyes when I told him I was taking a break. I think about how it felt to not eat and how I think that I've moved forward and then I get like this. I can’t sleep sometimes Alexander and I don’t know how to fix it.”  


Magnus was crying now, quietly, and Alec pulled him into an embrace.  
“I try so hard to come across as this confident person who really has their life together but I'm not really. As much as I try, I haven’t managed to fully become that man. But I never wanted you to see this ugly side of me.”  


“There is nothing ugly about you.”  


“You say that-”  


“I mean it. Magnus I love you. And look, I get it. You know I’ve got my own issues. But you told me you weren’t going anywhere, and neither am I. I’ll be right there.”  
\----------

Magnus was confused when he woke up. It took him a moment to realize that he was on his sofa, sort of on top of Alec.  
It took him another moment to realize that the conversation he had last night hadn't been a dream.  
But Alec was still there, asleep at the moment, but Alec had heard everything Magnus had to say, and he had not run off.  


That had to count for something.  
\----------  
Alec thought for a moment he was still at his old apartment. He had gotten home, pulled off his jeans and pulled on some pajamas and fallen asleep. He really wasn't one for late nights, but Jace had asked him to come out with him, so he did. Actually, now that he was thinking about it, he should get Jace up. He didn't need to mess up his sleeping anymore than it already was by sleeping until the afternoon.  


But then he remembered Magnus calling him an hour later, and he remembered their talk last night.  
He glanced down, to find Magnus looking up at him.  
“You're still here,” Magnus said in awe.  
“I'm still here. Are you alright?”  
“I'm ok.”  
“I can make you breakfast?”  
“Don't make this weird ok? I told you this stuff, but it's my past. Don't let it change us. I'm the same person, you just know me a little better.”  
Alec nodded, “Sorry.”  
“I snapped I didn't mean to. I just- I have never told anyone those things. I'm not used to someone knowing. Yes. You can make breakfast. I've got to go get dressed. Get ready. I look like a mess.”  
“You look absolutely gorgeous,” Alec said, because not only was it the truth, but because he had put two and two together. Magnus liked to have his makeup done, and his clothing matching, because he wanted to have a layer to protect himself from the outside world. He hadn't realized it before, he just thought it was a habit. Izzy always seemed to be dressed and ready at the breakfast table. Maybe Magnus just liked to be put together.  


The only time he seemed to let his guard down was at night, and that was only once Alec moved in.  
Magnus smiled, “Thank you Alexander. I still need to get dressed though, I have meetings this morning and I'd like to not look like I drank half a bottle whiskey and slept on the couch. I doubt that would make much of an impression on anyone.”  


Alec conceded, and let go of Magnus, after a few more kisses.  
\----------  
All the cards were on the table now. Alec understood Magnus’s little quirks, and he knew what to say, knew how to be there, knew what Magnus needed. 

It was as if they really, finally, understood each other.  


Magnus understood that sometimes Alec just needed an extra reminder of how much he loved him, he needed some time alone, he needed to be reassured more often than someone else, and he needed to not close in on himself. Alec didn't always want to talk, but Magnus was always ready to listen.  


It seemed that things started to settle down. There was nothing hanging over them, they could be fully transparent with each other, have open and honest conversations, and they could share their demons. When Alec couldn’t carry his anymore, Magnus shouldered them. When Magnus’s baggage got to heavy, Alec was happy to take it for a while.  


And then, Camille Belcourt landed at JFK, amid speculation and anticipation, and Magnus felt his world start to crumble all over again.


	12. don't push me away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter feels shorter, but i wanted to address malec taking a break on the show but clearly i couldn't even leave them apart for a chapter

Alec saw on the news and didn’t mention it. It felt that Magnus definitely knew his horrible ex girlfriend was back in town, and Alec was sure he didn’t need to mention it. If Magnus wanted to talk about it, they could talk about it.  


Magnus, however, did not want to talk about it. He went about the morning as if nothing was going on, like it was no big deal. Alec wondered if this was some new coping mechanism, or if Magnus didn’t care. That option didn’t seem very likely.  


“Mags?” Alec tried carefully, while they ate breakfast in silence, “You alright?”  
“Fine, I just have a busy day.”  
“You don’t have to see her,” Alec said, and immediately wished he could take it back. Magnus sort of glared at him, but it wasn’t very angry, just sort of tired.  
“Alexander-”  
“She’s a bitch. I understand. It’s you and me now though. She’s not your girlfriend. You got out of it.”  
“It’s not quite that simple.”  


Alec shook his head, “You have to talk to me. I want to help. I won’t let you see Camille alone, since I can see what that would do to you.”  


“I’m going to be late. Alexander, I’d like to be alone for a little while.”  
Magnus was just as surprised saying as Alec was hearing it. He needed time to proces the fact that Camille still existed. With her across the world, he could pretend that time had just been a horrible, horrible nightmare, but now she was here, and Magnus needed to come to terms with his past. Alec wouldn’t let him do that. It wasn’t a bad thing. Alec loved him, and didn’t want him to think about things that were upsetting.  


But he needed this.  


Alec nodded, “I’ll spend the night at Jace’s. Call me when you work through this. I love you.”  
“I love you too. I’m not breaking up with you. I just need some time.”  
\----------  
And time is what Alec gave him. Personally, he felt time apart was not what Magnus needed, but it was what was requested of him, and so he’d do it.  
He went about his day, helped Izzy with her grocery shopping, booked an engagement shoot, and went for a run. He felt better keeping busy, because then he didn’t worry about Magnus alone in his office or Magnus reading the news and thinking about Camille.  
He considered sending a quick “hey all ok?” text but Magnus had said he wanted to be alone.  


However, up in his office, Magnus did not want to be alone. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be around Alec, whose concern was endearing, if a little overwhelming, but he didn’t want to be by himself. So he called Raphael, who had the uncanny ability to keep you company, while pretty much ignoring you in favor of whatever he was doing. And Raphael would always be there for him.  


And he came without question, and settled himself down to work on the novel he’d been writing ever since Magnus had met him. They didn’t speak much, save for Raphael occasionally asking Magnus if he should use a different word in this sentence, or does this make sense? They didn't need to talk.  
Magnus was very happy to help. And Raphael hated Camille as much as anyone and he also understood the relationship the two had had, because he had known Magnus at the time.  
“Where’s the new _novio_?  
Magnus looked up, “Alexander?”  
“Yes. Where is he?”  
“I told him I needed some time alone. To think.”  
“Did he hurt you? Because-”  
“I know,” Magnus chuckled, “I’ve heard your promises of bodily harm should Alexander hurt me. It’s not him.”  
“Camille?” Raphael said, “Has she called you?”  
“No. I just don’t want to subject Alexander to this. Once she’s left, I’ll call him.”  


Raphael shook his head, “You’re not listening to yourself. Alec loves you. That much is clear. He doesn’t care about your past with Camille and he doesn’t care that you’re self conscious, or whatever. He’s going to want to help you through this. If she calls you or makes a statement about you in an interview he’s going to want to be by your side. That’s what being in a relationship is about. You should call him and quit this nonsense.”  


Magnus sighed, “I think you’re right Raph.”  


“Of course I’m right. I’m always right. Now, I’ve got to get back to the unfortunate job I hold at the coffee shop. I’ll text you later and don’t call me until you’ve worked things through Alec.”  


“I can always count on you,” Magnus said, as Raphael packed up his things and bid him goodbye.  
\----------  
Alec, however, did not have to be called, because he decided that he didn’t want to leave Magnus alone. So after he took a quick shower, he caught a cab to Magnus’s office, as it was starting to rain, and since there was a florist right next door, he picked up some flowers. He wasn’t really apologizing, but Magnus always seemed to have flowers around the apartment, so Alec knew Magnus liked them.  


He was let up by the front desk who knew him, and clearly Magnus hadn’t revoked his access, which he figured was a plus. He knocked lightly on the office door, and then pushed it open.  
“We must be physically linked. I was just about to call you,” Magnus said, but there wasn’t his usually lightness in his tone, “Those are lovely.”  
“For you,” he held them out, feeling about ten, “I thought we could talk.”  
“Thank you Alexander. I can’t say anyone has ever given me flowers. Are you trying to court me?”  
“When things get crazy, don’t push me away,” Alec said, ignoring Magnus’s sad attempts at humor. It might have been funny is Magnus’s heart had been in it. It was actually the end of the speech he’d prepared on the ride over, but this was the first thing out of his mouth, and it seemed to fit.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. Just let me in huh?”  
“Yeah.”  


Alec pulled Magnus against him, and they stood there for a moment. The clouds opened up overhead, and the rain started pelting the window so fiercely, Alec looked up to make sure it wasn’t actually hail. It had gotten darker, and Magnus smiled. He loved the rain.  


“I’ll take the rest of the afternoon off,” Magnus decided, composing himself, “Can we go out?”  
“Sure. Are you alright?”  
“I’m better. I was being dumb. I love you. I know you’ll always be there.”  
“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raphael santigano is a darling who must be protected at all costs


	13. voluntary camping

“I think we should get out of the city for a little,” Alec said that night. They were in a little Italian place, and it was so loud they had to lean in close to be heard.  
“Where do you propose we go?” Magnus smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Alec took note of this.  
“Upstate. You said Ragnor has a cabin in the Catskills. I think you need a break from this.”  
“This” was Camille’s presence and the slight fracture their relationship had experienced. The fresh air always helped, that's what Alec had decided.  
“He never even uses it,” Magnus rolled his eyes, “I don't know why he keeps it. But I'm sure he wouldn't mind us visiting. It's really in the middle of nowhere. No electricity, no heat.”  


“I don't care,” Alec reached out and took Magnus’s hand, “I think it'll be fun. I was a Boy Scout for about two months. I think we could do it. Have you ever been camping?”  


“Alexander do I seem like the type of person who voluntarily goes camping?”  


Alec laughed and the lady at the table behind them looked over. She wasn't annoyed, but she smiled. Alec had that sort of laugh, that made Magnus want to make him laugh at every available opportunity It was a wonderful sound. Alec didn't laugh enough, Jace had told him that once. Alec didn't smile enough.  
. 

Magnus thought he was doing a good job working on changing that.  


“Come on Mags. I think it'll be fun. And it’s hardly camping since there’s a cabin. But I promise if you get cold you can wear my jacket.”  
Magnus rolled his eyes, “fine. But only because I think that you're right and a break from the city will do us good. I don't know what possessed you to think camping was a good idea, but I love you. Next trip I pick.”  
“Agreed. You do keep threatening to take me to London.”  
“Alexander I hardly think that’s a threat.”  
Alec laughed again, “Fine. Ok, you call Ragnor, I’ll rent a truck or something?”  
“You can drive?”  
“I can. Not well, but my parents needed someone to take them to the airport and whatnot. When they didn’t have a driver to do it,” he rolled his eyes, “Anyway, Clary said she used to go camping with Luke, Izzy’s boss? And so she has some stuff we can use.”  
“You’ve been planning this for a while,” Magnus noted, taking a sip of his drink, “Clever.”  
Alec smirked, “So we’re going on a road trip then.”  
“Yes. I can’t believe it. I love you.”  


Alec leaned over to kiss him, and narrowly missed dunking his tie in his wine.  
\----------  
It took a few days to gather everything. Alec rented a truck, which Magnus declared to be the single ugliest vehicle in the history of transportation, although it was being driven by the handsomest person in the history of people. Alec rolled his eyes at the cheesiness, but turned before Alec could see him blushing.  
He didn’t know when he’d get used to Magnus’s flirting, especially since as they grew closer, Magnus only grew flirtier. Frankly, Magnus was appalled that Alec hadn’t been flirted with much earlier. If he was, Alec had admitted, he had no clue about it.  


They went grocery shopping, collected their things from Luke, who noted that Alec looked a lot like Isabelle, and that Isabelle had to be the best scientist they had on the force. Alec beamed out of pride. He loved it when people told him that. Damn right Izzy was the best on the force. Damn right she was amazing at what she does.  
Jace thought they were a little insane, because it was only late March, and still kind of cold, and why would they go camping ever? Clary thought it was sweet, and told Jace he was hopelessly unromantic.  


They left early Friday morning, because according to the directions, it would take about three hours, but said directions didn’t factor in New York traffic, or any stops they’d inevitably make. Alec had a bad habit of stopping if he saw something he wanted a picture of.  
Magnus really thought it was adorable. He was used to habits of course. Everyone had them, but Alec’s were truly something else. Every time he learned about a new one, he was just fascinated by it, and had to understand the reason behind it. Alec was useless in that department. “Just a habit” he’d always say, “Like how you always leave the window open, even if it’s supposed to rain.”  


Alec drove, Magnus alternated between editing and sketching, and looking at Alec’s profile. The radio played classical music, because Alec was driving and so he got to choose the station. That was another habit. He only listened to classical music, if he had the choice. It helped him think.  


“You keep looking over at me,” Alec said, about an hour and half in, “Do I have something on my face? I tried to get all the shaving cream off.”  
Magnus shook his head, “Sometimes, I just can’t believe that you’re here, and I’m here and that fate decided we’d be good together and so every event in our lives has been leading up to you and I doing this.”  
Alec glanced over, “When’d you become a philosopher?”  
Magnus shrugged, “I mean it. I know it’s cliché or whatever, but I’m serious. I know we both haven’t had it easy, but here we are, in love, going camping of all things. I love you and you love me.”  
“You’re a real romantic babe, you know that? But I get what you’re saying,” and he held out his hand, for Magnus to take, and that’s how they stayed for the rest of the drive.  
\----------  
“Is that it?” Magnus asked, “It looks like a murder cabin. If this gets me murdered I will never forgive you and haunt you until you die. If you die too, I’ll just haunt Jace instead.”  
“You’re so dramatic,” Alec kissed the top of Magnus’s head, “Yes, this is it. I’ll go unlock it if you’ll start getting stuff out of the back?”  
Magnus sighed (dramatically, to make Alec smile) and hopped out of the truck. He had to admit, it was really lovely here. The air was fresh, crisp, and silent. The cabin looked less murderous up close, and Magnus had to admit, it had a certain rustic charm to it. Of course it did, Ragnor wouldn’t buy it if it wasn’t nice. Ragnor liked nice things just as much as he did.  
He went around the back, and started pulling down the bins they’d carefully packed the night before.  
“It’s nice in there,” Alec said, rejoining Magnus, “I think it’ll be nice.”  
Magnus nodded, “Maybe this wasn’t your worst idea. I think this will be relaxing. You don’t realize how stressful the city can be.”  
How stressful it is knowing your evil ex girlfriend could show up unannounced at anytime she feels like it.  


Alec understood what he meant.  


Together they brought everything in, and set up. Magnus thought to himself that building a home, no matter how temporary, with Alec was very nice.  
“I think we should stargaze tonight,” Alec said, “You can’t see the stars from the city.”  
“Did you google romantic camping ideas or something?” Magnus asked, handing Alec a roll of paper towels to put away, “Because you seem to have things planned.”  
“Maybe I did. Ok, I actually asked Izzy what she thought we be a good idea. I told her we were both a little stressed out, and she said we should get away from it. Simon said camping, and the rest fell into place. Stargazing, however, is all on me.”  
“And you call me a romantic?” Magnus raised his eyebrows.  
"Well, takes one to know one."


	14. of aliens and ex girlfriends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the slow update. college starting + writer's block = nothing being written

The night was clear, and perfect for looking up. It was cold, even though the day had been fairly warm, and Alec lent Magnus his jacket like he had promised.  
The sleeping bags and pillows were piled in the back of the truck and they climbed up. The trees around them were silent and Alec, as much as he adored his city, couldn't help thinking he could get used to this.  


Maybe one day he and Alec could get a little house up here, that way they could look at the stars every clear night there was and all they would have to do would be to step outside, maybe onto a fenced in porch. He could see it. The little porch was attached to a kitchen, and he and Alec could drink coffee and watch the sunrise in the morning. There would be big picture windows, and Alec’s photography would decorate the wall. Maybe Magnus could have a workroom or something to design in, and he imagined Alec coming into check up on him, and they’d kiss and it was really a beautiful home.  


Magnus was getting ahead of himself. There he was designing a house that he didn’t own, that Alec didn’t know about, that might not even exist, and that probably wouldn’t even happen anyway.  


He was always getting ahead of himself.  


Alec seemed to have all of this planned, and they ended up in the back of the rental truck to stargaze. Alec kept his arm around Magnus’s shoulder, and they didn’t speak much. The sheer awe and beauty of the stars made any words seem too small. The stars preferred silence, and they both seemed to realize that.  


Finally, Magnus spoke up, “when I was very little, so little I'm not sure if this is a real memory or not, but I seem to recall my mother teaching me the constellations. I used to want to be as astronaut. I love the stars.”  


Alec smiled, “you wanted to see the stars up close I guess?”  


“Yeah. It was stupid I know. My stepfather told me I wouldn't be very good at it. It’s a lot of science and math. He used to say I wasn't good at anything but looking pretty for the cameras.”  


Alec’s smile faded, “he was wrong.”  


“I like to think so too.”  


“He was wrong,” Alec said, more sincere, pushing himself up so he could face Magnus, “that's a shitty thing to say first of all. You're so smart. Because I can't keep in what colors look good together on what hair color and you once predicted a fashion trend that literally came out of nowhere and I'm still thinking you might be a little clairvoyant. You’re amazing with people, and maybe that isn’t that much coming from me because I’m just bad with them, but still. I’ve never seen someone so at ease in a crowd of people they have never met. I sometimes listen to you sing in the shower because you don't sing any other time- it’s not creepy I promise- and you're so good. Especially Queen. You have an affinity for Queen songs that I didn't know a person could possess. I feel like no one ever told you this stuff. And that's terrible because if I had known you back then, I'd be telling you what I'm telling you now. You're not just a pretty face.”  


“Thank you Alexander. Neither are you while we're at it. I think that Camille just brought some insecurities to the forefront. I promise to return to your regularly scheduled confident boyfriend the moment she leaves.”  
“It’s alright. I am not going anywhere. And God knows I’m familiar with crippling insecurity. It’s ok to be nervous about things.”  
Magnus nodded, “You ready to turn in for the night?”  
“Sure. You’re just getting cold.”  
Magnus rolled his eyes, “I’m just disappointed we didn’t see any aliens.”  
“Me too. I was hoping Izzy would have to pay me.”  
“You and Izzy have a bet about aliens?”  
Alec laughed, “Yeah. It was when we were kids. I watched an old science fiction movie on TV and so Jace and I became thoroughly convinced that it was only a matter of time before the aliens invaded.”  
“I adore you Alexander, but that’s the funniest thing you’ve ever told me.”  
“I’ll make sure they abduct you first.”  
Magnus gasped in mock horror, “You’d let the aliens abduct me Alexander?”  
Alec laughed, and pulled Magnus into a kiss, “I’d save you from the aliens babe, I promise. I’d make sure they brought you back.”  
“You’re such a dork. Aliens. Really.”  
\----------  
Despite his initial resistance to the idea to, as he put it, voluntary camping, Magnus decided that, when done with Alexander, it wasn’t too bad. He did like the fresh air and his mind was a million miles away from New York City and everything that went along with it when he looked out over the trees and listened to nothing but the wind through them. He promised Alec they could go camping again, but perhaps when it was a little warmer.  


They returned home with a newfound sense of calm. At least Magnus did. Alec spent at least an hour a day in Magnus’s office, giving him opinions on the next issue of the magazine, and it was clear that Alec’s worries would remain for a little while.  
Alec would be the first to admit that he did not know a single thing about fashion, but he read every issue cover to cover now, and he smiled whenever he saw a small detail that had been his suggestion in the first place. He’d point out that he thought the photos looked better spaced out this way, or that the font wasn’t easy to read. He understood layouts, even if he didn’t know much else about it.  


But, despite everything, they were both very relieved when Camille Belcourt announced that she was returning to Paris. Her presence had been like a weight hanging over their relationship by a thread, and the thread was starting to fray. Alec had little interest in meeting the woman, and if he ever did, he was sure he’d be very direct with his feelings.  


Alec had always been a protective person. The people he cared about had suffered, and Alec took it upon himself to make sure that they didn’t suffer anymore. Izzy said it was a tragic flaw of his, the almost selfless protectiveness. And the protective streak he felt for Magnus was not different than the one he felt for Jace and Izzy.  


Things began to return to normal. Alec had a photography session booked almost every day of every week at this point and Magnus announced to Alec one morning he was just about done designing his fashion line. Jace and Clary were, according to Jace, “kind of engaged,” (Alec had no clue what that meant, but congratulated them nonetheless), and Alec had begun to get the “so when are you proposing?” questions.  
Alec and Magnus had known each other for about seven months, but Alec was absolutely sure that he couldn’t live without Magnus. It was that simple.  


He would propose. He would. He just needed to work through the immense terror he felt every time he thought about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alec believes in aliens and i will fight you on this


	15. marriage on the brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the worst I haven't updated this in so long, but I just started college and my life has been wild. I'm pretty settled in so we should be back to regular updates for the last few chapters 
> 
> thanks for sticking with it y'all

It was the first really nice spring day. One of those days where you could get away without a jacket, and the trees were starting to become lush and green once more.  


It had rained the previous night, and the sidewalks were still wet, with the occasional puddle at the end of sidewalks and the sky was still a dark grey. The clouds seemed to be threatening more rain later that day. Alec was on his way to a wedding reception. They were having a morning ceremony and a brunch reception.  


Alec hadn’t worked a wedding in a few months, and he had missed it. And coupled with the wedding fashions that were coming out (“it’s almost June Alexander, and we all know June is wedding season,” Magnus had said, when Alec asked about the sudden presence of wedding designs in the office) and the almost daily text from Izzy that was either an article about proposals, or a link to a jewelry website, Alec had a hard time thinking of anything but weddings.  


The couple was lovely, and their reception included a total of twenty guests. By the time it was over, he had learned almost everyone’s name.  


He ended up in a conversation with the groom’s older sister- how, he would never understand- and she was telling him about her own proposal, while looking fondly at her brother and new sister-in-law.  
“Are you married?” she asked.  
“No.”  
She smiled fondly at a woman in the distance, and Alec figured that was her wife.  
“Getting proposed to was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I was a self conscious child, and to know that this woman loved me enough to make that commitment honestly still makes me tear up.”  
Alright, Alec thought, this is the final straw. Clearly God, or an angel, or fate, or maybe all of the above, were screaming at Alec to just marry Magnus already. He wasn’t ever one to really go for signs from above or anything, but this was too much.  
“How’d she do it?” Alec asked, looking for some inspiration. He had done some googling, but nothing seemed to strike him as perfect. In reality, he was pretty sure he was just too nervous to settle on anything. Magnus wouldn’t care how he proposed.  
“We just went out for dinner. It was so romantic. She told me how much she loved me, and then she just proposed.”  
“How lovely,” Alec replied thoughtfully.  


So on the way home, Alec stepped to the side, called Izzy who he knew wasn’t working today, and told her they were going ring shopping.  
\----------  
Isabelle was, understandably, thrilled. She had actually shrieked on the other end of the phone, and Alec wondered if he’d just lost hearing in that ear.  


“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Don’t start without me. I can’t believe you’re doing this.”  


“Iz, all I said is that I wanted to go look at rings. I didn’t even say that it was for Magnus. I could be buying anyone a ring.”  


“Ok? But it is for Magnus so.”  


“Fine. It’s for Magnus. And maybe it’s for a proposal.”  


She clapped, and absolutely beamed on the other end of the line, “Alright. Do you have any idea about the type of ring?”  


“No,” Alec said, “Should I? I was just going to see what they had.”  


“Of course you were big brother. Usually I’d chastise you for not doing your research but I think Magnus loves you so much it won’t matter if you even have a ring.”  


This was the kind of reassurance he could count on Izzy to provide. Somewhere deep inside, Alec was very aware of that. Maybe he didn’t always think it, but he knew Magnus simply adored him- and the feeling was more than mutual. People who were in love got married, and Magnus would most likely agree, and the both of them knew that.  


“It’s ok to be nervous,” Isabelle said, in a much calmer voice than before. She seemed to be able to sense Alec’s feelings, “It’s a big step.”  


“Yeah. And it’s not as if I can model my marriage off of mom and dad’s.”  


“Isn’t that the truth. Let’s start looking. You don’t have to get one today. You’ve got time.”  
\----------  
Isabelle, of course, knew just the places to search for engagement rings. She knew what was on trend and what wasn’t- Alec may be dating the editor of a fashion magazine, and he may read said magazine every month but that did not mean he actually absorbed much of the information. Magnus said he was a hopeless case when it came to fashion.  


So they shopped around, and while Alec was sure that everything he was presented with was very nice and that Magnus would like them, he was waiting for that perfect ring because if he was going to do this, he was going to do this right.  
He could tell Izzy was growing slightly frustrated with him, probably because he wasn’t being too helpful, but she was too thrilled he was actually proposing to give up.  


It was one of the last stores they were planning to visit that day. It was getting to be the afternoon, and Alec had promised his sister lunch to show his thanks.  


“Can I just see the simplest one you have?” he asked the man behind the counter, “Just a plain wedding band?”  


The man nodded, and produced a silver band, without any sort of fanciness or additions.  


Alec nodded, “I’ll take it.”  


“It’s not very Magnus,” Isabelle whispered, “You know, sparkly. Extravegent.”  


Alec nodded again, “I know. I want it to stand apart from that. This means something else. It’s more of a symbol than anything.”  


“You’ve gotten really deep lately. Love has changed you.”  


He rolled his eyes.


	16. forever i do

Alec felt certain that the ring would sit in his pocket for ages. He’d completed step one, which was purchasing the ring, and so he decided he could take a break before step two, which was actually use said ring in a proposal. This seemed so new still even though he knew Magnus was it for him, and knew he’d marry him one day. He just needed to do it.  


But he’d do it, he told Izzy and Jace, and himself, he’d do it. It was just a matter of timing. Timing was everything. And Alec had one chance to get this timing perfect. Magnus deserved perfection. He deserved everything Alec could give him, including the best proposal he could. That’s how Alec viewed it anyway.  


Today, however, seemed like that perfect day. It was full on spring in the city now, and he and Magnus had taken to the park. Magnus seemed to come alive in the warm weather, and they often spent long mornings wandering the green.  


It wasn’t too warm out, but Magnus had said once the jackets were put away, then they were put away for good. He liked to banish winter.  


Alec kept checking the ring box in his jacket pocket as if he had imagined buying it. They were looking for the perfect bench to sit and watch the people, and talk about the past week. They’d both been keeping pretty busy, and quiet spring mornings provided a chance to discuss what they’d missed with each other.  


“Here Alexander,” Magnus said pointing. The bench was empty, as was most of the area, save for the one across the path which held a young couple.  


Magnus began a fast paced story about an intern at the magazine and Alec just managed to follow it. Most of Magnus’s stories were fast paced, but Alec had had plenty of experience with them. His mind was just a bit more occupied.  


He’d just do it. He’d reach in and get down one knee and propose. Maybe he’d cut off Magnus in the middle of a sentence. Maybe he’d be looking away and when he turned back Alec would have a ring out.  


But just as he was about to gather his courage the man of the couple across the way decided the same thing, and they heard the woman’s squeal from where they were seated.  


Just my luck, Alec thought.  


“Isn’t that romantic?” Magnus sighed dreamily.   
“Yeah it is,” Alec replied, with a slight sigh himself, “It really is.”  


He should have just done it. What did this other couple care if he also proposed? They’d probably never see each other again. But Alec wanted this proposal to be special, and this wasn’t the way he wanted it to go.

Magnus had never been proposed to. In all fairness, he had never proposed to anyone either, but most of his relationships weren't serious enough to warrant a proposal anyway.  


If he had to marry anyone from his past, he thought he'd have married Camille. He felt the strongest for her. That was love. It wasn't a healthy love. It wasn't a balanced love. But to his nineteen year old self, that's what love was.  


And what a disaster that marriage would have been.  


So, despite all of the reasonings, Magnus had always assumed that no one wanted to marry him. In his mind, it made sense. He worked hard to ignore the proposals he saw on the street and on TV, but he always thought they were so romantic. His heart ached to think he’d never have one.  
It took some time to come to terms with, but Magnus had accepted the fact that even though he and Alec were very serious, they'd probably never make that final commitment.  


Imagine his surprise, when Alexander Lightwood asked for his hand in marriage.  


Alec had started the night by making him dinner. They’d been living together for months, so of course they made each other meals, but Alec had gone all out for this one. They’d come home from the park around noon, and Alec had immediately run out to buy groceries.  


And Magnus had obliged him. They talked and drank well into the night, and Alec had begun to talk about how much Magnus meant to him. How much he adored him, and how thankful he was that that photographer had canceled on him that fall day.  


Magnus was a bit confused. His mind flew to the absolute worst case- Alec was leaving him.  
“I was going to ask this morning, but that other guy stole my thunder but, Magnus, will you marry me?”  


Magnus was so surprised he didn't reply.  


“Maybe not right away if you're not ready, but one day.  


“Yes. Yes Alexander I'll marry you. Tomorrow if you like.”  


They embraced, and Magnus didn't know when he had started crying.  
“Not tomorrow obviously,” he said, pulling away from Alec and wiping his eyes, “I can't plan a wedding in a day. But soon. I don't want to wait.”  


And that night, as they lay in bed, Alec had practiced calling Magnus his husband, and decided he loved saying just a little more than he loved saying boyfriend. Because Alec had never thought he'd get to call anybody husband. He might have a wife, maybe if he had done as his parents asks. But no husband. That wasn't on the table for him.  


It took two months to plan. Flowers had to be arranged, clothing, guests, a venue.  


It was a fairly private ceremony. Family and close friends only. They wrote their own vows, and Jace had been Alec’s best man. Raphael was Magnus’s.  


Alec was their photographer, because weddings made people happy, and so the only photos Alec was in, someone else took.  


But he didn’t mind. He was happier than he’d ever been. And Magnus would agree. Yes, this was what they were meant to do, meant to be. Alec had never believed in love, and Magnus had never believed in happily ever after, and they’d never been more happy to be proven wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you thought that proposal in the park getting interrupted by another couple was inspired by the office you were absolutely right


End file.
